28 January 2006

Mike and "The Guy in the Glass"

The troll at AOSHQ that is currently going by "Mike" (s/he has also gone by MaryM and, as several commenters suspect, Geno, Jersey, and a few other screen names) has been pointing us to a poem entitled "The Guy in the Glass." Here's what he had to say about it today:

scott,
I hate to tell you this...again...but "The Guy In The Glass" is considered a true classic, especially in regards to men...taking responsibility, being honest with themselves and being real men.

Why not read it before you bash it?

Posted by Mike at January 28, 2006 06:52 PM

Now you idiots are cutting and pasting MY POSTINGS??

And you morons think the poem has something to do with GAYS????????????

You have GOT to be the dumbest people I have encountered on the internet.

Do any of you IDIOTS have any idea of how famous this poem is...you know, among people who actually READ???

Get off your asses and get an education.


Posted by Mike at January 28, 2006 08:48 PM
Well, though Mike may not believe it, I am quite the reader, and I've never heard of this poem (which no one said had anything to do with homosexuality - Mike has problems with reading comprehension). So, naturally, I googled it. I found it here, and have reproduced it below because their page isn't very readable. It's by a fellow named Dale Wimbrow.

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

First of all, "pelf" means wealth. Filthy lucre, that sort of thing.

Second, this poem is crap. It's the sort of thing your overly sentimental relative keeps forwarding you even though you've specifically requested to never be sent forwards. Or the sort of thing that gets put in a lot of Hallmark cards. The kind that same overly sentimental relative keeps giving you despite your obvious distaste for glitter. This is not great poetry.

Third, the message is also crap. Your own opinion of yourself is not what matters, and "To thine own self be true" is not a good motto, Polonius notwithstanding. Try being true to God. That's worth attempting, particularly since He's the one passing judgment.

Sortelli's parody, on the other hand, was, indeed, sheer poetry:
When you can't get what you want in your struggle for satisfaction,
And the world pisses on you every day,
Then go to the computer and get yourself some action,
And see what the AOSHQ Lifestyle has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who bother to listen when you scream.
The fellers whose verdicts counts most in your life
Are the guys laughing at you on the computer screen.

They're the ones who'll kick you when you're depressed,
They'll mock you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If you manage to pretend that you have any friends.

You may like to pick at your ass and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the guys on the thread say you're only a bum
so you have to type MORONS...MORONS...YOUR ALL MORONS GOODBYE

You can fool the whole world if you can keep fooling yourself,
And pat yourself on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be a poem that uses the word "pelf"
If you're stuck on The Guy in the Glass.

The meter's a bit off, but I love it anyway.

2 Comments:

Anonymous someone said...

In the words of Homer Simpson, "It's funny because it's true!"

11:49 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

exactly!

11:57 AM  

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