12 February 2006

I Am Express My Inmost Feeling Brilliant

Over the weekend, I tracked down an old Ann Landers column from the year I was born. The column itself isn't interesting, but the following letter, presented in its original, unedited form, is.
Dear Ann Landers: Your letter against pot last week was joke. If you want kids to believe you, who don't you tell the trooth? I yet to see a single letter in your column tell the GOOD tings about pot. Why is that?

Because you are a bunch of dry up creeps who are out scare kids to death. Well, it won't work. Most of us no more about pot than our parents and teachers put together. Getting turned on by Jesus is deffinetley out. I'm a 16-year-old girl who live in a medium-sized midwestern town. Smoking pot (4 to 6 joints daley) for two years. It hasn't hurt me. In fax it has done me a good.

It has expanded my conscientious and opened my eyes to the beaties of the world and unquestionable. This proves the police are pigs.

Grass has not dull my mind. It has sharpen it. My think is clearer. I am aware things I never notice before. Objects that used to look small look big. I see mental images in color instead of black and white. I used to be too shye to speack up in a crowd. Now I am a brilliant converationist. I get stoned yet I am 100 percent lucid. I am express my inmost feeling brilliant. When I finish this letter it will be a mastpiece.

If you don't print it, I will know you are a Communist. In Russia they print only one side of the story. The side they want people believe.

--The Troot Will Win
In other news, Geoff slices like an f'n hammer. Thanks, man.


Anonymous geoff said...

That's gotta be a hoax, or it's Spurwing before he became a conservative. How do you go from garble to using a word like "lucid?" Shades of Reefer Madness.

10:28 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

I am reliably informed that potheads really do talk like that. (I have a relative who works in the public school system.) And you know if Monty were high, he would still retain his impressive vocabulary.

Hmm...that gives me an idea...

10:47 PM  
Anonymous geoff said...

Re: The porn body vs. real body thread at Ace's

All right Mrs. P, quit sulking. I don't want to go all placating sensitive Brawny Man on you, but the fact is that most guys clearly separate eye candy from people. And the older we get, the less impressive the eye candy becomes. You don't need to look attractive to be attractive, but in your case that point is moot. Cute, funny, & smart - ah were I a (much) younger man...

Anyway, don't let the oafs get you down - get back in there and get brassy.

9:53 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Funny, really? I haven't gotten much feedback on what's making people laugh and what's totally missing the target. So mostly I just write stuff that makes me laugh. I figure with all the laughing I'm doing, readers have to be chuckling at least a little bit.

Aren't you married? With two cute kids? Better add some more qualifiers to that conditional, bud.

but seriously, I'm all done sulking now. Thanks.

10:54 PM  
Anonymous steve_in_hb said...

As geoff knows -

There are a tremendous number of hot chicks in SoCal, that become very unnattractive as soon as they open their mouths and reveal how stupid/superficial/bitchy they are.

I was always more in to fun girls than hot girls. I just can't stand to be around someone who can't laugh at themself. As I've gotten older I've placed more emphasis on calm and easy going. Relationships are hard enough to make work, you don't need someone who finds reasons to make drama.

But then again, what do I know? I smoke weed 2-3 times a month ;-)

1:52 AM  
Anonymous Your Favorite Bartender said...

I'll be sure to transcribe the conversations I have with some of my customers at work.

Funny how weed is illegal but drinking alcohol is a social norm and huge industry. I'd even argue that it causes more damage (health, drunk driving, etc) than smoking weed.

10:35 PM  
Anonymous adolfo velasquez said...

Still, that letter seems too much like a hoax. The writer goes out of her way to mispell words, while stating that she is a good conversationalist and the letter will be a masterpiece. Too contrived.

I think Ann Landers wrote it.

6:58 AM  

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