20 February 2006

It's not often you see "tiger.poo" in a URL.

But today, I did. Apparently, some researchers have found that tiger poo is an excellent goat repellent, and CNN thought it would be clever to use the phrase "black gold" in their headline.

ahem...
Come and listen to a story about a man named Pete
A poor professor, barely kept shoes on his feet
Then one day he was playin' with some shit,
And found that wild goats didn't like the smell of it.

Crap, that is, black gold, tiger poo.

Well, now it's time to say good-bye to Pete and all his turds,
And they would like to thank you folks fer reading these here words.
You’re all invited back again to this locality
To have a heapin helpin of their hospitality.

Tiger poop, that is. Set a spell. Take your shoes off*. Y'all come back now, y'hear?
*Don't actually do this, unless you want a parasite.


I think this post just lowered my effective age about three decades from its usual comfortable position in the mid-40s. I blame lack of sleep. Maybe later I'll watch a Jimmy Stewart movie and see if that gets my effective age back up where it belongs. I can probably get a pretty good "Movies these days are trash!" rant going.

(But seriously...whatever happened to just closing the door and fading to black? That gets the point across so much more elegantly than showing a soft-core porn scene.) (I am thinking of The Notebook, which I thought sucked. I'll be happy to explain my reasoning if anyone likes.)

But now, I should return to my schematics.

11 Comments:

Blogger Monty said...

I must say that I'm foursquare in favor of naked chicks in movies. My personal rating system grants one star to any movie that has unclothed female breasts being shown, and another star if you get to see the briars-n-brambles. I don't care how big a turd the movie is otherwise: teh nakid is a big selling-point.

That said -- I'm a big fan of the 1940's and 1950's noir flicks, mainly because they do so much with suggestion and innuendo. The actors couldn't cuss and the action scenes were pretty limited (how many car-chases do you see in movies older than, say, 1955? Not many!). They had to drive tension with oblique dialog; with light and shadow; with suggestive glances and personal mannerisms.

I could write a book on how stylized cigarette usage was in those old movies. Everybody smokes, and everybody has their own style of smoking. Plus the noir camera just loves cigarette smoke coiling slowly into the air. An interesting change is that now, cigarette-smoking is a signifier of evil (a la the Cigarette Smoking Man in the X-Files). If a character smokes cigarettes, they're evil. Count on it.

5:39 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

I'm going to assume you were kidding in the first paragraph.

Anyway, I love old movies. I don't know a whole lot about film appreciation, though. That's something I really ought to study, along with American lit and the classics. My art appreciation is generally confined to literature and the plastic arts.

5:49 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

I'm going to assume you were kidding in the first paragraph.

Why?

6:09 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Because it's disgusting. I may joke around about "skin pics," but I find the idea of actually wanting to look at a naked person who is not one's spouse (or well on the road to becoming one's spouse) incomprehensible. It embarrasses and repels me.

(Haven't y'all noticed that I'm a prude?)

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Enas Yorl said...

What about art? You know - the real stuff, not much of the crap that calls itself "art" these days. Would you shy away from Michelangelo's "David" because he's nekkid?

9:36 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

(Haven't y'all noticed that I'm a prude?)

Yes.

We have noticed.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

enas - Absolutely not. When I saw Michaelangelo's David, I completely forgot to breathe for several seconds, and certainly couldn't take my eyes off it. I always say you know something is art when you have a physical reaction to it (Emily Dickinson said it better, but I don't have the exact quotation with me and I'm too lazy to google it right now).

And with my background in physiology, I'll sometimes look at an athlete and marvel at his musculature, from a purely biomechanical standpoint.

But postcards with large red circles around David's nether regions and "WooWoo!" emblazoned across the card are not art, and picturing an athlete naked isn't appropriate. It's lust to which I object.

(And Michael, that's not because I'm frigid.)

10:20 PM  
Anonymous someone said...

I may joke around about "skin pics," but I find the idea of actually wanting to look at a naked person who is not one's spouse (or well on the road to becoming one's spouse) incomprehensible.

Ahh, life without testosterone...

12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the south, we have nuance in language. We don't say "naked". We say "nekkid". Naked means you don't have no clothes on. Nekkid means you don't have no clothes on and you up to somethin.

d in t

9:01 AM  
Blogger Chestertonian Rambler said...

I'll agree, many of the noir films (and some of my favorite, though I'd probably still fall under the "prude" category) are very sexual--and in many ways more sexual because of their understatement. Things like Bacall's response to Bogart's protest that he didn't lock her in his office on purpose--"You should try it, sometime." It's not in any way pornographic, yet somehow it carries across a feeling of sexual self-awareness that many a naked girl faking an orgasm for a modern Hollywood film only wishes she had.

But it is undeniable that the whole "closing the door and fade to black" thing was the product of direct self-censorship by the studios. Ever since Hollywood became Big Buisness, it's been a place where the rich people who've "made it" (stars and directors) feel that they have no need for any sort of responsibility in their life, and the producers only care about ensuring that profits role in by any means possible. All of which makes it near miraclous that many great, thoughtful, and heartfelt movies have been made.

And speaking of thoughtful and heartfelt, the Motion Picture Code iself, as a capitulation to society and a measure to prevent government censorship, isn't really something that many people can or should support. I mean, sure it put limits on racial stereotypes, the undercutting of marriage, etc.--but in prohibiting a film from challenging anyone's religion, it also undermined one of cinema's great potential values. If you can't offend someone or contradict their religious beliefs, you can't make a thoughtful movie. Whether you agree with them or not, The Last Temptation of Christ, The Passion of the Christ, The Mission, and other such films undeniably make far more complex, subtle, and intelligent arguments about religion than products of the residual censorship attitudes like The Greatest Story Ever Told.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Chestertonian Rambler said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:47 AM  

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