24 February 2006

Poetry

Apparently, Michael has finally worn Monty down, so there will be poetry at Monty's on Saturday. Of course they would have to pick a weekend when I'm busy. So, here are my contributions, a day early. (They're intentionally bad, in case you were wondering.)

Lonely
On one wild Friday at Ace's
a commenter said that
Friday Night Open Thread for the Dateless
should be a recurring feature.
At first, I laughed,
and then I felt sad.


Chris Klein Reprise
I'm nice, so I say,
"Hey, thanks for the attention.
Get out of my face."


Brawny Man Reprise
You've dropped your ice cube.
Let me bend down to get it.
(Wow, these jeans are tight.)


Paul Anka Reprise
I told you that I
Slice like an f'n hammer.
What is this loose shit?


Placating
I wonder: is the noun form "placater"
or the somehow-more-elegant "placator"?
Dictionary.com is of no use,
but either way, Chuck Connors isn't one.


Chuck Connors
Firing your rifle
Seven shots, quick as a thought
Those talented hands!


For Michael, with Alliteration
Oh Caped Crusader
sexiest superhero!
Hey, your suit is stained.


The Maximum Acceptable Area of Pubic Hair
(For anyone who missed it, this is based on a sick marriage contract that Ace linked last week.)
Do you remember the golden days, long ago,
in eighth grade geometry class?
When the boys were just beginning to need to shave,
and the girls were just beginning to understand
how much may be said with a look?
Do you remember the classic beauty of an equilateral triangle,
each side equal to its brother,
each angle equal to its sister,
able to be bisected into two right triangles, standing back-to-back?
Marriage is like that - when two right triangles,
independent,
choose to subordinate themselves
and unite into something greater, something yet more beautiful.
And that is why I chose an equilateral triangle
and asked that you calculate its area.
I've always liked the fraction three-fourths
(or three-quarters as our British friends would say)
and that is why I multiplied it by the length of your
(fanny is the British term for it)
to determine the height of the triangle.
Our triangle, love, is what I see.
And that is why you must present yourself
on the eve of every third day
for an inspection,
because a strong marriage is built on frequent examinations.

18 Comments:

Anonymous your favorite bartender said...

wow. just wow.

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Anonymous Michael said...

Dang, those really suck. Good job of intimidating the competition.

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fine. I won't even bother now.

d in t

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Blogger skinbad said...

I'll bet it's really acute triangle! :)

1:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once dated a girl with acute angina.

d in t

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