07 March 2006

No-talent ass clowns really irritate me.

Below is the text of an email I recently received at my school address.
Dear [my real name],

Someone has sent you a LoveOGram through LoveOGram.com! A LoveOGram is an anonymous way to show romantic interest in someone you know. (No Kidding: Your LoveOGram sender is a real person, maybe a friend or colleague, who knows your name and email address.)

Is the feeling mutual?

The sender of this LoveOGram indicated that your name is: [my real name]

If this information is not correct, then please disregard this email.

To find out if the person who sent you this message is someone you like, come to [url].

Good Luck!

(By the way, replying to this email won't work. You have to come to www.LoveOGram.com to play. It's completely free.)

*** LoveOGram.com - Delivering Free Love Around The World ***
Are we still in middle school? Because the last time I checked, I was two months shy of graduating from college.

No, I am not going to visit the URL, because I don't give a shit who sent this. I don't need to know what no-talent ass clown classmate of mine has some cutesy little crush on me and doesn't have the guts to talk to me, like an adult. Buddy, if you thought I was intimidating before, then you're damn lucky you pulled this stunt anonymously.

Or worse yet, there's a possibility that one of the aforementioned no-talent ass clown classmates received a message himself, and is lame enough to think I have a crush on him and would reveal it in such a way. Hate to break it to you, jerkoff, but I don't do "crushes," and I don't play games. If I think you're a decent enough guy, you'll know. If I have a romantic interest in you, you'll damn well know. (Here's a hint: If you think I'm interested in you, you're wrong.) If I think you're so low that you'd have to use a Vid-9 viewscreen to see a snake's belly in a swamp, then you'll know that too.

Grow a spine and approach me in person. I'll still turn you down, of course, but at least I'll respect you.

39 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't cry Monty.

Be tough man.


d in t

2:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like spam to me.
Bet if you went to the site, they'd try to sell you something.
On the other hand,(just in the interest of making this a more interesting comments section) maybe it's a girl.
Or Monty.

4:55 PM  
Anonymous rickinstl said...

Sorry, that above was me.

4:55 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

It probably is spam. I just figured it was a good opportunity to go off on a rant for everyone's entertainment.

I do notice, however, that Monty has not issued a denial.

5:06 PM  
Blogger Russ said...

Mental note: Mrs. Peel - NOT a placator.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Well, a man's got to bring something to the table. So, anonymous loveogrammer, thanks for the attention, but get out of my face.

7:45 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

Mrs. Peel:

Monty is innocent.

Now, I'm not sayin' it was me or anything, I'm just sayin' I have inside information that Monty is innocent.

Grow a spine and approach me in person. I'll still turn you down, of course, but at least I'll respect you.

So, do you have plans for Friday night?

8:25 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

That depends...would you wear the Batman suit?

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wouldn't wearing the Batman suit be placating?

d in t

10:19 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Oh, I don't placate. The question is, does Michael?

The secondary question is which Batman suit. If it's the classic blue and grey with the yellow and black logo, as sported by Mr. West, then I'm all for it. If it's got nipples, then no deal.

What say you, Michael?

(By the way, did anyone else see Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt? It's hilarious.)

10:33 PM  
Anonymous geoff said...

I like the new pic. Oh, and don't think you're special - Michael sent me a Love-o-gram too.

5:24 AM  
Blogger Russ said...

It ended on a good note.

Are we still friends? Absolutely.

Does he still send me lovegrams? No.

7:22 AM  
Blogger Monty said...

A man gets lonely, Mrs. Peel. A man has needs. You know what I mean. Needs.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

geoff - thanks for noticing the new pic. It is an improvement, I think.

Women have needs too, Monty. Do you really think you could handle me?

10:10 AM  
Blogger Monty said...

The question is: will you let me handle you? And it's not like women are really "people" in the strictest sense of the word, so their (theoretical) needs don't really count.

C'mon, baby. I'm one sweet, sweet hunk of man-candy. On my census report where it says "profession", I put down "Hunka hunka burnin' love."

12:43 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Hmm...well, I'll give it some thought. I'm still waiting for Michael to get back to me on the Batman suit.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Monty said...

You know, when Michael says "Batman Suit", he means "Batman themed underoos". You know, just so you're not surprised.

12:57 PM  
Anonymous geoff said...

A sweet, sweet hunk of man-candy
Had a job he thought was just dandy
Told, "Write your profession above"
He wrote "Hunka burnin' love"
though his fan club was Jessica Tandy

[apologies for the nasty meter]

1:32 PM  
Blogger Monty said...

geoff:

Et tu, Brute?

Besides, Jessica Tandy was pretty damned hot for an old gal. And she had powers.

1:36 PM  
Anonymous geoff said...

Mrs. Peels email
stuffed with Michael's LoveOGrams
Spam filter useless

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

Of course I'll wear the Batman suit.

Do you have any handcuffs?

Never mind, I'll just bring mine.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Monty said...

Just remember, Mrs. Peel: when he says "suit", you have to think "jammies". With feet. Make sure you have some graham crackers and warm milk ready, or Michael will get cranky come bedtime.

3:07 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Graham crackers! I haven't had any of those for years!

I have to write a paper tonight, so whichever of y'all knows the most about signal processing techniques will get my LoveOGram.

Also, if anyone else uses LyX for all their technical papers...that's hot.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Monty said...

LyX is for weenies. EMACS and LaTeX is the only way to go, woman! Cowboy up and do your text-processing the correct way! (I will accept troff in a pinch.)

4:10 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Awww Monty, but I love LyX!

If it makes you feel better, I do type in the LaTeX code when I am writing equations, rather than using the silly "math panel."

And somehow I doubt EMACS has a Windows port.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Monty said...

EMACS does have a Windows port! Voila! I myself prefer GNU Emacs to X-Emacs, so I use the GNU Version.

You can also run Cygwin, and use most of the linux/unix toolchain (including TeX) right from the standard GNU bash command line. (This tool is the only thing that has kept me from going totally insane while working on Windows.)

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

Geez, I quit. No more LoveOGrams from me, Mrs. Peel. I will surrender the field to Monty. No way can I compete with that geek rap he's got going.

7:22 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

aw...but I like having groupies.

8:08 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

aw...but I like having groupies.

Do you think that comment is going to prompt me to continue hitting on some wet-behind-the-ears geeky college girl? As if, with such modest encouragement, you can make a mature man such as myself behave like some love-sick puppy? Huh?

Well, OK, it worked. Prepare for more LoveOGrams.

9:49 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

It's the aura of innocence. No man can resist. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!

Ok, I really have to write my paper now, and I think closing firefox - mmmm, firefox - will help. Catch you dudes on the flip side.

10:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this was so cute.

weird. but cute.

you guys be nice. she's a youngstah.

oh I know you're nice.

*frequency modulation or amplitude modulation?*

hey, it's an innocent question! quit lookin at me like that Michael.

d in t

11:39 PM  
Anonymous Mark A. Flacy said...

TeXmacs is also good for writing papers.

LyX is easier to use, though.

5:38 PM  
Anonymous Mark A. Flacy said...

For that matter, do ass clowns have the red nose that honks when you squeeze it?

That's giving me disturbing mental images.

5:41 PM  
Anonymous MH said...

Mrs Peel,

Do you want to sit with me at lunch. Check the box below:

___ Yes

___ No

___ Maybe

5:16 PM  
Blogger Eddie said...

Hi there, I was surfing the internet and I found your blog. I like the way how you have put it all together. I'll be coming back again.

Regards,

2:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

classmate picture

10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

rate picture adult

8:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hours picture princess

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?


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kelly divine

4:26 PM  

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