11 April 2006

Even my uncle is pissed off.

Here's an email he just sent. Not sure who wrote it; he doesn't give attribution and denies its authorship himself.

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative
comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.


Personally, I think that Mexican federales firing on our Border Patrol agents constitutes an act of war, and that we would be perfectly within our rights to declare war on Mexico. Also, I think if people are publicly admitting that they are here illegally and therefore breaking our laws, then maybe we should, I don't know, arrest them.

Mr. President, with all due respect, wake up. I know you like Fox personally, but he is no friend to you or to our country.


Anonymous someone said...

War on Mexico? Gaaah, the thought of a 100x larger Puerto Rico draining the hell out of our treasury is... not a good one.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Didn't say we should do it, just that we would be perfectly within our rights.

1:14 PM  
Anonymous mark flacy said...

Mexico, unlike Puerto Rico, has oil.

Invade away.

11:01 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

Canada has oil, and I'm stilled pissed about the War of 1812. Plus, the Mexicans would put up a fight, wheras I don't really think that would be an issue if we went north.

Just sayin'.

11:22 PM  
Anonymous Dex said...

I got the email from an uncle of mine too. His included a copyright of a David Bresnahan, who appears to write for WorldNetDaily. In case you were curious.

Great thing about a border fence or wall...could be great leverage for Bush to play good cop to the Mexican government. "Well, my partners here want to wall y'all out, but if you were to make some reforms, say in the area of property rights for your people...we might could cut a deal about work permits and such."

I'd like to think the prez is smarter about all this than he lets on.

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Dex said...

and, btw, Cuba has oil as well.

Just sayin'.

12:20 AM  
Anonymous geoff said...

and, btw, Cuba has oil as well.

Invade 'em all - let Exxon sort 'em out.

5:20 AM  

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