03 June 2006

Something that's been on my mind recently

An acquaintance of mine told me that she had been delaying the start of her master's for a year because of her fiancé (now ex).

This is something I find completely incomprehensible. I would never put my education or career on hold for some man. I have a prestigious, rewarding, challenging career, and if a man asked me to leave that career for him, that would end the relationship no matter how much I loved the guy. Similarly, I'm probably going to start looking into opportunities to do a master's in about a year. If a man asked me to do the coursework on his schedule, I would tell him to go jump in a lake (actually, I would most likely make a much more offensive suggestion involving pastry in motion). Again, relationship-ender right there.

Just the very idea of a man asking such a sacrifice of me makes me so blindingly furious that I want to punch the next guy I see on behalf of his entire sex.

Am I alone in this?


Anonymous someone said...

And what, you'd expect him to do it for you?

There's a lot of give and take in a relationship. Both people can't always have everything, esp. when kids enter the picture.

8:28 PM  
Anonymous BlameCandida said...

As a guy, this is one of those issues I've had trouble coming to terms with. I'm a college grad, and I'm in grad school now, and I expect to be out in the professional world in a few years. I also can't forsee a future where my wife will be anything other than a professional in the same social "rank" as me.

But I'm also so attached to MY goals (professionally, socially, etc) that I would want my partner to accomodate them. But I would also feel the need to accomodate my partner's goals, since in the most selfish of terms, she would be essential to my economic survival. I don't know where I stand on this, considering I haven't met "that person" yet.

Also, there was a post at Dean's World last month along a similar vein: http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1147424243.shtml

10:56 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

No, someone, I would not expect a man to schedule his life around me. In fact, I wouldn't respect him if he did.

The nice thing about my massive workplace is that I should have no trouble finding a man whose career goals are compatible with mine and who does not work in my area. The trouble will be finding a man who will put up with my mouth, because most men do not at all appreciate women arguing with them. I speak from long experience.

That's an interesting article at Dean's World. I'm still thinking it over...

12:05 AM  
Anonymous geoff said...

Ah fiery youth. My wife and I both bend over backwards for each other to make it easier to achive our goals. It's not just the money, but the satisfaction and happiness of achievement and advancement that we want each other to experience. There's never enough time and money to do everything everybody wants to do, particularly with children in the picture, so intelligent compromise is essential. And sometimes, much to the dismay of engineers, there is no good solution - somebody, or everybody, gets screwed.

We endure a continual stream of long- and short-term conflicts concerning our goals and obligations. We try to optimize our course through those conflicts. Many times we're not happy with the result or we're even unhappy with each other. But we're important enough to each other to keep trying. That's marriage.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Peel said...

Well, of course things are different after you're married. I'm talking about doing that sort of thing for someone to whom you're not married, as my acquaintance did. (I just realized I didn't make that distinction in the post.) Granted, my acquaintance was engaged, but that ain't the same thing as married. Engagements get broken off.

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

I think you should put your career on hold so you can post more often at Innocent Bystanders.

11:33 PM  

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