Skylark of Valeron

So Long, and Thanks for All the Visits

2006-09-29T20:05:00.000-05:00

Unlike some people, I never bothered to download Sitemeter, so I have no idea what my actual traffic numbers were like. But I know from various factors that my traffic was larger than you might guess, so thanks to all of y'all who stopped by. Especially those of you who continued to click during my droughts.

I'm not deleting the blog - for one thing, we need to preserve the complete works of Mickey Spill-seedy - but this is, in all likelihood, the last post ever.

So, on to the questions!

From geoff:
1. I suppose questions concerning leg quantities and the resale value of Jeep Cherokees are out of order.
This wasn't really a question, but I'll answer it anyway. Two, and I have no earthly idea.

From Musli:
2. "Atlantis" always reminds me of "Stargate: Atlantis". I like that show. But as I don't watch TV, I don't watch it. I'll get the DVDs later on.
This was also not a question, and shouldn't "Atlantis" remind you of THE FABLED LOST CIVILIZATION??

But then, the multi-purpose logistic modules are called Raffaello, Michelangelo, and Donatello, and I can't help but think of the Ninja Turtles rather than the artists, so I guess I shouldn't talk.

From RG:
3. Will you please post that one-legged picture of yourself? Crop your head off if you need to, I just want to see that Aggie pose.
Thanks for asking nicely, but no, I won't. It's still in the archives anyway.

From Enas Yorl:
4. Is Muslihoon's observation I like that show. But as I don't watch TV, I don't watch it. the modern equivalent of "One hand clapping" Zen thing?
I was wondering the same thing. Also, what is the sound of one slashfic about Jack and Daniel being written?

(There's a long story behind why I know about the existence of such fics, but suffice to say that's why I've never bothered picking up any of the Stargate shows.)

Actual questions from Dex:
5. These may be more geek than nerd questions, but: Assume a land battle, who would win - a tribe of Fremen or clan of Klingons?
Well, I've never gotten into Dune, but judging from the Wikipedia page on these guys, I think they would win a battle fought on their native planet. However, I would have to give the Klingons the edge at any other location. Assuming TNG Klingons, of course, as TOS Klingons seem to be somewhat less intelligent.
6. Assuming the Skylark is not available, which ship would you prefer to own - Serenity or Moya?
Again, never got into either of those shows, but I'd have to give the preference to Serenity on the grounds that Petey has put me off sentient vessels for good.
7. Your fella picks you up for the big mystery date, telling you only that you're going to "a concert". At the end of the evening, you agree this was the best concert he could have taken you to. What was the venue/who was the musician? Assume a time machine.
I'm not really a big music fan, so instead, I'm going to say that he took me to a production of Hamlet. Specifically, the performance given at the Stratford (Ontario) Festival in 1957.
8. Your new faster-than-light starship is crewed, prepped and ready to depart for a new world which you'll be overseeing the development of. You have a half-million applicants from potential settlers, but only room for five thousand on this trip. Since nothing bad is expected to happen to those left behind and since it's your ship and project, you don't have to be all multi-culti if you don't want to. Or you could. What criteria do you use to select the settlers?
Well, first of all, I need people in certain crucial occupations. The ship's crew, of course, then plenty of engineers, construction experts, computer programmers, doctors, nurses, teachers, veterinarians, botanists, and I suppose an attorney or two. Oh, and religious leaders. With only five thousand crew members, I'd try to get three or four Protestant ministers, a couple of Catholic priests, a couple of rabbis, and maybe one each of other faiths like Buddhism. Islamists would not be not welcome.

There are probably some other important occupations I can't think of off the top of my head, but those are the first that come to mind. After occupation and intelligence, I would screen for physical condition. Married couples in their 20s who don't yet have children and are in excellent health would be my first preference, as we'll have a few years of hard work before we're ready to start popping out the kiddies. And make no mistake - couples would be fully expected to produce plenty of children. We're starting a civilization here and replacement fertility rates won't cut it.

I'm also assuming that settlers have passed a psychological profile before they're even allowed to apply. We can't have any psychopaths (although we will need target practice for the cool new laser beam weapons I fully expect my scientists to produce...hmm...).
9. Is this really quitting blogging or is it like Dave at Garfield Ridge quitting?
I'm not quitting per se, as when I get the itchy fingers, I'll go post something at IB. But I can't blog anywhere near full-time, and don't think it's fair to my handful of readers here to trail off without some sort of explanation/farewell.
10. Are there really girls who would choose Cyclops over Wolverine? 'Cause I could suspend my disbelief about mutant powers and adamantium skeletons, but that just took the comic into the realm of fantasy...
You know, I recently rewatched X1 and was stunned by how rough Wolverine is. He has been softened so much in the last two movies that I'd pick him without reservation. But Wolverine from the first movie, and from the comics, is way too much of a bad boy for my taste.

That being said, Cyclops is a prick.
11. If things work out with the new fella, where would you register for the oscilloscopes?
Fry's, of course. On one of our dates, we wanted to go to Fry's, but they were closed. So we went back to my place and made out instead, which I guess was better.

From HayZeus:
12. What is the make and model of your car. You know, the one that's worth more now than it was when you drove it off the lot?
I'd rather not say here, as I am paranoid, but if you really want to know, just email me. And no, it is not a Jeep Cherokee.

13. Do you think that Osama has joined the choir invisibile or is he still with us?
I'm inclined to suspect he's living in a cave eating shit.

14. If so, does it matter?
He's been reduced to meaninglessness, so I don't think it matters. But the thought of his dying from typhoid gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

15. Assume Dr. Pepper and its knockoffs such as Mr. Pibb, Dr. Thunder, etc. don't exist. What then is your favorite soft drink, if any?
I would NOT drink a knockoff of Dr. Pepper under ANY circumstances. That being said, I do like ginger ale, and Pepsi is ok. Coke is also drinkable, but needs rum. I don't like 7up or Sprite at all.

16. The XB-70 Valkyrie supersonic bomber: baddest-ass plane ever to be built or merely an interesting prototype?
I'd have to go with the latter, as I think the F-22A Raptor is more bad-ass. I outsourced this question to an expert but haven't received a reply from him yet. In the event that I do, I'll share it with you.

17. Since the tables are turned, what are your reasons for not blogging about your relationship? :P
Anyone can read this blog. I like to keep private things private. Also, I would hate to be blogged about in that context myself, and I am nothing if not intellectually honest.

18. Granite countertops: worth the $70-80-odd dollars a square foot?
I'm not an expert on countertops, but I would have to say no on principle. The principle of being cheap, that is.

19. Do you have a favorite linux distro and if so which one?
No. I figure switching to linux is inevitable, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

From Michael, after the deadline:
20. Do you still have a room at your parents [sic] house?
Yes. Right now I am making just enough to live on, so I've opted to stay in their house until I have enough for a down payment on a house of my own (I think an apartment is a total waste of money). I have a promotion coming in January and should be able to clock more overtime in February and June, in addition to the tutoring job I just took, so I'm thinking of starting my house hunt early next summer. I wish I could get an apartment in the meantime, but I can't afford to stay anyplace around here and still be able to save for the down payment. Unfortunately, all of my non-married female friends have cats (to which I am allergic) or severe disagreements with me regarding appropriate thermostat settings, or both, so roommates aren't an option.

21. Have they changed it?
No, but I did. You should have seen how much crap I threw out after graduation. I finally accepted that I didn't need to keep my old tests from Engineering 111, and cleared out all that garbage. It was liberating.

22. How long do you think parents should wait after graduation before they take their kids [sic] shit down and repossess their room[sic]?
Wouldn't the kid take all his stuff with him when he leaves? I'm sure as hell not leaving anything here. Even my Star Trek action figures are coming with me, and I'll have a heck of a time finding them. They're buried in the attic somewhere (and will undoubtedly go straight in the attic at my new house, but oh well).

Well, thanks, everyone. It was a fun ride while it lasted, and I wouldn't mind being able to blog full-time like Ace can. But unfortunately, that's not an option for me. Luckily, I have Innocent Bystanders for when I get the urge.

Well, until Michael notices I mocked his lack of punctuation and subject-verb agreement, that is. Then I might just find myself no longer welcome over there.

Congratulations Atlantis!

2006-09-21T06:50:00.000-05:00

STS-115 is accomplished, and Atlantis and her crew are safely home. Congratulations!

Also, I got up early this morning to see the ISS go overhead. It's much too high to resolve into anything more than a dot with the naked eye, of course, but it was still cool. (Here is the sightings opportunities page for anyone who might like to look up his area. Select your country from the dropdown box on the left.)

Anyway, in celebration of the successful completion of the mission, I am pleased to introduce an unprecedented opportunity. For the first time ever, it is Ask Mrs. Peel Week! Feel free to pose any questions you like in the comments section. Questions will be accepted until midnight CDT next Thursday.

Update: By the way, this is kind of a last hurrah for this blog. I doubt I'll post here again after answering y'all's questions, as I simply haven't got the time. I do still have time for occasional comments at AOSHQ and IB, of course.

Never forget

2006-09-11T18:02:00.000-05:00

I had a lot of dead time at work today. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have spent it watching CNN and Fox News and reading 9/11 remembrances.

But we need to be reminded of why we fight.

I've been thinking about the United 93 film a lot lately, and remembering how powerful it was. There are several visual images that linger, like the hitchhiker, somber and dark, pausing for a moment in front of a garish advertisement.

But what I remember most about that film is the moment when I rose to leave, my path illuminated by the light of the credits, silence resounding in my ears, and turned to see three freshmen cadets similarly departing. The third lingered half a second behind his companions, furtively ducking his head to wipe his eyes roughly with his sleeve, and it struck me that he would have been just fourteen on that day.

I'm appalled to think back on how little 9/11 affected me at the time. I could not grasp the enormity of what had occurred, and it was not until several years later that I fully understood the atrocity that had been committed, and the nature of our enemy. I didn't even watch the news reports as events unfolded.

But what of this cadet? I imagine him sitting in social studies or algebra, laughing and joking with his friends, casting the occasional glance at a pretty girl across the way; until, by some osmosis, the news spreads through the classroom, and the teacher switches on the television. What did he think when he watched the reports, saw the towers fall, heard the wailing of alarms? Had he ever heard of bin Laden or al-Qaeda? Did those moments of horror immediately force the same painful clarity I took years to attain upon him?

He was just fourteen. He spent his high school years knowing - knowing - that our enemy is fully prepared to slaughter every one of us. What shadow must that knowledge have cast over the last of his childhood?

The vast majority of A&M's cadets have committed to serve after graduation. I am sure that for many of them, the memory of sitting frozen in horror on that bright September morning played a significant role in that decision. To them, and to all the other men and women who defend freedom:

Thank you.

For you Pluto supporters

2006-08-24T22:51:00.000-05:00

Please provide a scientific definition of the term "planet" that encompasses Pluto but does not include Ceres, 2003UB313/Xena, Sedna, Quaoar, etc.

Also, please explain how Charon fits into your definition.

Update: I have been vindicated, and it feels good.

Review: Snakes on a Plane

2006-08-18T22:45:00.000-05:00

I shouldn't have read Ace's first, because now I just don't see the point of bothering to write my own.

So I just have a handful of comments.

One particular scene gives a new meaning to the term "trouser-snake." 'Nuff said.
Could have done without a couple of the scenes. You know which ones I mean.
Snakes + microwave = crazy delicious.
Red and yella, kill a fella; red and black, venom lack. Hello?
When you toss a giant stuffed snake in your date's lap after the movie, she might be laughing, but she doesn't really think it's funny.*

Seriously, I think this movie is all we expected, and more. Samuel L. Jackson's famous line is sheer brilliance. I couldn't help cheering when he delivered it. So, for those of you who have been waiting for this movie: go see it, right away! Those of you who hear the title and a brief description of the premise and think, "Why the hell would anyone want to see that?" probably shouldn't bother.

*Full disclosure: I actually did think it was funny.

This morning's service

2006-08-13T10:17:00.000-05:00

Now that I'm graduated and settled down, I need to find a new church home. So I've been church-shopping with a friend this summer. We're different denominations, but we're both Protestant and not all that picky about which denomination we attend as long as the preachin' and singin' are good. This morning is my friend's last Sunday here before she heads back to school, so she decided to go to her denomination's church, and I went off to try out a new church (in my denomination) by my lonesome.

I really enjoyed the service. I had a bad feeling at first when I saw the pastors and choir weren't wearing the traditional robes, because I hate contemporary worship, and dislike the loosening of attire restrictions I've been seeing in the various churches I've visited. I guess I see where the churches are coming from: if butts are in the pews, does it really matter what's covering 'em? But at the same time, I think it's disrespectful to not dress properly for church. The pastors were wearing suits, so that's ok, but I saw a couple people in the congregation wearing jeans or even shorts, and they weren't all young, either. (Jeans don't bother me that much if they are clean, well-tailored, and accompanied by appropriate shirts and shoes. But shorts? In a church? Dude, not cool.) So that gave me a bad feeling.

But we started out with "Standing on the Promises," a hymn I like that I hadn't heard in a while, and that pleased me. We then followed that up with an excellent affirmation of faith and the Gloria Patri. During the offertory, four guys from the choir sang a quartet, which I really enjoyed, and then we sang the Doxology I like best and "Trust and Obey," another hymn I like that my school church hadn't used in a while.

(My parents' church sings a goofy Doxology that I don't like, and they say the Lord's Prayer with different words, which confuses me. I already had enough trouble switching from German to English (long story); I don't need people trying to get me to switch to different words. Similarly, they have been doing a series of sermons on the 23rd Psalm, so they've asked the congregation to say it together at each service; but their translation isn't the one I know by heart. My parents' church also doesn't do affirmations of faith or the Gloria Patri. All in all, a very unsatisfying spiritual experience over there.)

The sermon was pretty good. It was about putting your failures of the past behind you and continuing to strive toward the goal of being like Christ. The pastor's key points were that failures of the past can imprison us through failure to forgive (yourself as well as others) and feelings of regret; that the failures of the past can rob us of hope because they can cause us to surrender to the status quo and become resentful; and that we should forget the past (he didn't mean "forget" so much as "stop punishing yourself for") and press on to the goal. I'd actually been thinking along these lines lately, because I never forgive myself for the various bad stuff I do, and I'm not particularly good at forgiving others, either. So, that fact and the giant hunk o' gold on the pastor's right hand were clues that I was in the right place. (In Texas, a giant hunk of gold on someone's right hand is almost always an Aggie ring.)

We finished up with "Here I Am, Lord," which is one of my favorite hymns because the first time I heard it was during the same service as a truly memorable sermon, and it was closely linked to the message of that sermon. (That hymn will also play a part in the book that's been fermenting in my head for a couple years. I think I'm going to let it stew a little longer, but I'm getting close to putting pen on paper.)

So, all in all, a pleasant experience, and I'll go back next week, and quite possibly join that church. Which makes me happy, because I've been looking for a couple months, and it's frustrating to not get food for your spirit.

blink

2006-08-12T11:47:00.000-05:00

Look at this comment over at Gutfeld's post on fear. I added some space to make it more readable, but left all spelling and grammar as seen in the original.

You left out fear of being called anti-semitic.

But really, is being called anti-semitic a valid fear in America?

Do white people who believe it's unsafe to drive thru Watts in Los Angeles at night, really fear Blacks?

Do people who think Karl Rove is an evil person, really fear fat white men?

Do blacks who have the Confederate flag waved in their face, really fear everybody in the South?

American Jews pretend to fear anti-Semitism is a mental disease, although they have difficulty explaining how 60 million Germans or 300 million Arabs, and now tens of millions of Americans came to have that very same quirk of brain chemistry. The real truth is more frightening to Jews. Fact is Americans never had the underlying motive for Jew-hatred (which is the jealousy that fragile and endangered peoples bear against the Jews for their so called "Biblical immortality"), because prior to George W. Bush we have always kept a firm seperation of church and state. Religion was never factored into the democracy formula, until the Christian Conservatives and American Jews skewed the equation.

"The presentiment of ethnic death does not haunt new nations composed of immigrants who left the fey imaginings of their ancestors behind at the far shore." (Franz Rosenzweig)

Because we oppose being brainwashed by our medias, you need not fear us as being anti-semitic.

Because we oppose the military aggression of Israel to take land, you need not fear us as being anti-semitic.

Because we oppose our governments one sided backing of a nation (Israel) that freely invades and kills it's neighbors, you need not fear us as being anti-semitic.

By: NCCarboys on August 07, 2006 at 01:55pm

What...the...

So...George W. Bush's evil Christian conservative government supports Israel, but hates the Jews because they're the chosen people, so they're supporting Israel because...uh...blood for (olive) oil? Or, wait, I might have it now. The Jews, who are, of course, a monolithically Republican vote, colluded with George W. to establish a Christian theocracy that supports Israel, and the rest of America hates the Jews because...no wait, the underlying cause of Jew-hatred is the Bible, and only Christians believe in that, and the Christians colluded with the Jews that they hate to "select" Bush because...er...

I'm sorry, I can't make any sense out of this. Someone else want to give it a shot?

By their works shall ye know them

2006-08-01T21:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, this post is mostly rambling, but it's much too late at night and I have way too much to do tomorrow for me to invest any more time in it.

You have been warned. Feel free to skip past this to the hot arachnid pr0n.

Ace posts today on a question that's often bothered me: does an artist's intent affect his work?

More specifically, Ace wants to know: "Do the failings of a man, which seem to directly inform the aesthetic choices in his work, reduce the power of that work?"

I think they do, and would go further than that, as for me personally, the failings of a man reduce the power of everything he does, not just art. I am frustratingly unable to separate a person from his acts. The classic example I generally use to explain my feelings is Dr. King. The man was a serial adulterer, and because of that, while I know intellectually that he was a great man who accomplished a lot of good, I am still completely unable to admire him.

That's why I don't like to know anything about people's private lives. I'd rather just go on admiring Hermann von Helmholtz (for example), without knowing that [insert whatever horrible thing he did]. And it makes me mad when people feel the need to tell me about such failings, because I don't see why we can't admire people without having to hear all that. Why can't we have heroes?

(That's exactly what bothered me about Jackson's Lord of the Rings adaptation. I love the movies, and think they are generally faithful to the books; but where they fail is that they don't let anyone be larger than life. Aragorn isn't conflicted about his heritage or hesitant to take up the sceptre of Annuminas. He's supposed to be perfect, the better to highlight the accomplishments of fallible hobbits like Frodo and Sam.)

At the same time, I do like to know the truth...I am sort of glad, for example, that I know that much of Yankee Doodle Dandy was made of whole cloth. (I'm also glad that the silly CO storyline in Sergeant York is entirely unsubstantiated.)

It's a difficult issue for me.

A Couple Days Ago in the Science News

2006-08-01T21:03:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just like to let the stories speak for themselves:

Humans aren't the only creatures that vocalize during sex.

While mating, female Physocylus globosus spiders emit high-frequency squeaks to let males know what they should be doing, a new study finds.

Called stridulations, the shrill cries sound like squeaky leather and are made in response to the rhythmic squeezing actions of the male's genitalia from inside the female during sex.

Stridulations, eh?

Female spiders are able to store sperm from different males inside their bodies and can choose which lucky male spider gets to fertilize her eggs. Squeezing stimulates the females and raises a male's chances that his sperm will be selected.

"Males that squeezed females more often during copulation sired more offspring than males that squeezed less often," said study team member William Eberhard of the Universidad de Costa Rica and the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute in Panama.

However, if done too forcefully, the action can physically damage the female. If a male squeezes too hard or too long, the female squeaks to let him know to pick up the pace but to take it easy.

Yes, I am taking notes for future reference.

To produce the squeaking sounds, females scrape a part of their "pedipalp"—a leg-like appendage located near their mouths—against the file-like surface of their fangs, or "chelicera."

A male spider's genitalia are located at the end of its pedipalp. During sex, he inserts this tip into the female. Muscles near the base of the pedipalp flex during sex, creating the rhythmic squeezing motions that cause a female to cry out.

The researchers mated 68 virgin P. globosus females with two males. They found that the number of squeezes the males made were associated with the number of times the females cried out during sex. Stridulations became more frequent if males failed to loosen a squeeze in response to a previous plea.

Obedient males that consistently followed the female's directions ended up siring more offspring. It's thought that the squeezing motion propels the male's sperm deeper into the female's body, where it is more likely to fertilize her eggs.

"Females presumably favored the paternity of males that could stimulate them, thereby obtaining sons that were better stimulators and thus more able to induce females to fertilize their eggs with their sperm," Eberhard told LiveScience.

Seems reasonable, I guess.

But wait - there's more!

Multimedia: Audio and video of the spiders mating.

Because your life isn't complete until you've watched spider porn.

Memo to people who like to put quotations in their email signatures:

2006-07-25T20:21:00.000-05:00

The utter idiocy of your quotation will be slightly mitigated if you can manage to spell the name of the person you're quoting correctly.

sweet.

2006-07-23T16:05:00.000-05:00

BBC America is showing some Avengers episodes, with captioning and everything.

The episode they're showing right now even has Christopher Lee. Diana Rigg is going to open up a can* on him later in the show, I believe.

*Explanation for Musli's benefit: a can of whoop-ass.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take advantage of the commercial break to open my own can on the residents of Zozo.

Terror plans in Texas City?

2006-07-22T18:47:00.000-05:00

Texas Rainmaker has some of the details.

Basically, two men, both 21, accidentally blew up their apartment. The explosive they were using is similar to TATP, which is frequently employed in suicide bombings. One man, Matthew Rugo, was killed, and the other was injured. Rugo worked for Will Duett, a company that specializes in cleaning offshore oil rig components.

An article in today's Galveston County Daily News has more details. Curtis Jetton, the injured pyrotechnician, told authorities there were no more explosives in the apartment, but later admitted he'd been lying, and was therefore placed in county jail on state charges of filing a false police report. A controlled explosion was set off in the apartment to detonate the remaining explosives, which the paper describes as composing a "huge cache."

The article also says that Jetton made bail on Friday, and federal authorities promptly took him into custody. Jetton has said that the two belonged to an anti-government group.

The article quotes Jetton's obviously deluded mom extensively ("He was there [living with Rugo] mainly to party"; "Curtis may be smart in some things, but others not so much"; "In his heart, he loved [Rugo] like a brother"; "He has always tried to look and act bigger than he really is. He will say anything socially to get attention"; "Curtis slept on the couch. The apartment was in Matt's name. Matt was the one taking biochemistry in school"), but there is nary a mention of Rugo's parents other than in a comment Jetton's mom makes. This odd absence extends to TV reports on the subject. What's the deal?

This whole situation smells like terror to me.

(Hat tip to Mom Peel, who has never entertained a single delusion regarding her progeny, for bringing these circumstances to my attention.)

Update: Sorry, forgot to link the article, and forgot to clarify that Rugo's parents are mentioned - but only in a quotation from Jetton's mom. Check out the rest of Jetton's mom's comments. They're pretty funny. Also notice that (as Jason highlights on his site) Jetton's affidavit stated that he was part of the explosive-purchasing shopping trips and that he was well aware of the process of making a bomb. The kid's not a dupe, no matter what his mom and the various news reports might try to say.

Is anyone else

2006-07-21T22:46:00.000-05:00

getting really sick of "YouTube"?

The Only Glenn Greenwald Post I Will Ever Make

2006-07-20T18:46:00.000-05:00

So I, like everyone else except Dave in Texas, got an email from Ace about his Glenn Greenwald exposé. To be honest, I really don't give a damn about this latest blog scandal. But, as Michael says, Ace wants a link, Ace gets a link.

Plus, the post was hilarious. It was almost Montyesque.

Anyway, here's my opinion: It's obvious that there is some sockpuppetry going on, and that said sockpuppetry is emanating from Greenwald's IP, as he himself admits. The question is whether Greenwald himself or his partner is behind said sockpuppetry. I think the partner theory is plausible.

But you know what? I don't care.

And that's my last word on the subject.

So I'm watching Footloose

2006-07-15T15:22:00.000-05:00

Is that chick one psycho bitch, or what?

Review (with bonus unrelated segue!): Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister

2006-07-15T13:02:00.000-05:00

Like everyone else, I enjoyed Gregory Maguire's book Wicked very much, and so naturally I picked up Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister. It's a retelling of Cinderella, as you might suspect, but written from the perspective of one of her ugly stepsisters. Unfortunately, I read it about a month or two ago and didn't get around to writing a review until now, so I can't remember much about it beyond the fact that I did enjoy it, and would recommend it to anyone who liked Wicked.

On the topic of fairy tale retellings in general, I must say that Robin McKinley is my favorite by far. She has the distinction of having written not one but two retellings of Beauty and the Beast. It's been so long since I read Beauty, her first one, that I barely remember it; but Rose Daughter is such an incredible work that I can't even speak intelligently about it because I'm reduced to babbling. It is a gorgeous book.

The tale of Beauty and the Beast intrigues me, as I see it as the antecedent of countless works ranging from Pride and Prejudice to the "to reform a rake" model of Regency-era romance fiction (meaning works set during the Regency, not actually authored at that time), and as the archetype of the destructive pattern that too many women follow.

We all know the appeal of the "bad boy," from the merely rude (Mr. Darcy) to the adulterous (Mr. Rochester) to the downright criminal (Professor Snape), and we've seen it play out in real life as well. I've come to believe that the reason women are drawn to these types of men is that there is a deep primeval archetype, exemplified by the tale of Beauty and the Beast, that women are trying to act out. Quite simply, the idea is that a man can be transformed by the love of a woman, or in some cases, his love for her. The Beast's physical transformation is the symbol of his inner transformation from a selfish prince to a loving husband - the symbol of the civilizing effect a woman has on a man.

The transformation is fairly mild in Pride and Prejudice, and merely a matter of Mr. Darcy reforming his manners; but he says, referring to his pride and ill temper, "Such I was from eight to eight and twenty, and such I still would be if not for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth" (that's from memory, so it may be a bit off). We are then to believe that it never occurred to Mr. Darcy to not be such a jerk until Elizabeth reproved him, and that her reproof was "so skillfully applied" that he immediately began to mend his ways.

I admit to loving Pride and Prejudice, and considering it to set the bar for all romantic fiction. It's a Meeting of the Minds, a comedy of manners with incisive social commentary (a lot of which we modern readers miss), and it appeals to the Beauty and the Beast archetype that lurks unspoken at the bottom of every woman's heart.

There's just one problem. This archetype never plays out in real life. And yet, women think it will, or, perhaps, want to believe it will so strongly that they ignore all evidence to the contrary.

Ladies, jerks are jerks. You can give them all the rebukes you want, couched jokingly or kindly. Won't change a thing. And I can't remember who said it, but someone who is nice to you but a jerk to the waiter is not a nice person.

One thing I've learned from trying to make tough decisions is that once you couch the decision as a question, phrased in the most succinct terms possible, you can find your answer easily. If, when discussing the choice with someone else, you find yourself having to go into detail to explain why your situation isn't the way it sounds, then that should be a clue that perhaps your situation is exactly as it sounds. It's not that you don't know what you should do; it's that you are having trouble gathering the courage to do it.

(I may or may not have been addressing myself for part of this post...)

Review - The Dark is Rising sequence

2006-07-15T12:58:00.000-05:00

As y'all have no doubt gathered by now, I do enjoy reading children's books despite my advanced age, and Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising sequence is no exception. I have loved these books since I first read them a good 10-15 years ago.

I won't discuss the plot much because I don't want to spoil any of the major revelations (some would be on the order of telling you exactly who the Half-Blood Prince is and what he did), but essentially, the five books (Over Sea, Under Stone; The Dark is Rising; Greenwitch; The Grey King; and Silver on the Tree) feature five children who, sometimes separately and sometimes together in various combinations, perform various quests for Things of Power to aid the Light against the forces of the Dark.

I enjoy books that are about the battle between good and evil, perhaps because I (weakly) prefer to think of the battle as being external, rather than an internal battle I must fight each day. It's easier to fight Orcs than it is to fight their greed and hubris when you find it within yourself.

That's part of why I like this particular sequence. But another reason is that I love how Susan Cooper ties together so many myths and legends. She draws from the Matter of Britain, the Maboginion, and countless local legends from Buckinghamshire, Cornwall, and a corner of Snowdonia in Wales, near Cader Idris. The books are so rich in depth that every year or so, I run across a reference to a legend or a myth or even just an old wives' tale that suddenly casts new light on them. For instance, I was looking for something on snopes, and somehow ended up reading about Christmas-related traditions and myths, several of which are referenced in the second book of the sequence. One was that if a red-haired person is the first visitor to your home on Christmas morning, it's a bad omen. I don't think it's any coincidence that the Black Rider, who is redheaded, is the first visitor to Will Stanton's home on Christmas morning.

I wish someone who knows the source material, perhaps a classics professor, would go through and explain all the references. I will admit that it is sort of fun to have new light shed on the books every so often, and I won't be surprised if I'm still learning more about them when I'm forty; but I wonder how much more I'm missing.

Also, I have to go see Cader Idris for myself someday.

Ace shares the link-love

2006-07-10T20:35:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if I should be proud of making the main page for this. Nevertheless, I am quite proud that I managed to write something that earned a content warning from Ace, of all people. And for geekiness, too. That's right, folks - the man who thinks "I'm casting Bigby's Grasping Hand" is sex-talk thinks I've got serious geek cred.

This is a day that will long shine bright in my ledger of blog-triumphs.

Except, not really.

Ohhh-kay...

2006-07-08T18:16:00.000-05:00

Subject: Why be female instead of woman its like being a subject instead of a citizen?

Dear Mrs Peel,
I think therefore I am - oh no - I think therefore I think - I think I am "AM?" To be or not to be I would rather be - becaused to be - is to be ... me! Why be Ham, forever ambient.
I am Am ... I am-munition me ... "303?"- amagazin?... a cartridge to be triggered and fired, expended at some target to realise someone elses will. Is - that? - what I amount to, to be ammulated as an "am" a minnateure calibrated and consumated, exspelled with a bulletin. Am I someone elses amenitty.... me without my amendment-ality. We are subjected - to - by our own landguage. I would like to know who made this intravenous inflection possyble dispossessing us our senitence, our human essentiality - who put us inside this vernimous? pernicious penitentiary?
Sincerely Stephen Round Just an Englishman!

Ok, I know I used this quotation already, but it's even more applicable here:

What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

How come I never get any good trolls? And what the hell kind of hate mail is this? I didn't even get called a four-letter word.

I just saw my first

2006-07-08T08:21:00.000-05:00

Snakes on a Plane trailer.

Man, I cannot wait to see that movie.

STS-121 is in the air!

2006-07-04T14:29:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to the crew of Discovery on their successful launch, NASA's first launch on the Fourth of July.

And HUGE congratulations to Mike Fossum '80, former member of the Corps of Cadets and the first Aggie in space!

(On a personal note, I'm always amazed that people are able to cheer at takeoff...I can't relax at all until main engine cutoff and external tank separation, and can't relax completely until landing.)

(By the way, there are good opportunities to see both Discovery and the ISS over the next few days. Check out NASA's Sighting Information page to see when they'll be visible in your area.)

Happy Fourth of July!

2006-07-04T09:21:00.000-05:00

On this, the 230th birthday of our nation, I wish you all a safe and happy holiday.

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them to another, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they list the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these rights are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

We're so used to those words that we can't conceive of how unthinkable they were back in 1776. Nor do we often consider the fact that signing this Declaration was an act of treason against the crown of England. Many of the signatories suffered loss of property, family, and life during the Revolutionary War. But none of them - not one - renounced his loyalty to America and American ideals.

I honor their sacrifices and clear-eyed courage. May we be worthy of their legacy.

A message for Switzerland:

2006-07-04T00:06:00.000-05:00

Fuck you and the claims of neutrality you rode in on.

Switzerland said Monday that Israel has been violating international law in its Gaza offensive by heavy destruction and endangering civilians in acts of collective punishment banned under the Geneva conventions on the conduct of warfare.

First, this statement is wholly false. Are the Swiss so busy preening themselves on their pacifism that they don't know Israel could wipe out every single Palestinian in one night? Don't give me that bullshit. "Heavy destruction" of terrorist camps and infrastructure is not endangering civilians.

I do grant, however, that it might endanger certain people wearing civilian clothing. You know, terrorists.

Second, since when is Hamas a signatory to or at all recognizant of the Geneva conventions? Please.

"A number of actions by the Israeli defense forces in their offensive against the Gaza Strip have violated the principle of proportionality and are to be seen as forms of collective punishment, which is forbidden," the Swiss Foreign Ministry said in a statement.

"There is no doubt that Israel has not taken the precautions required of it in international law to protect the civilian population and infrastructure," it said. The statement did not name the Geneva Conventions, but it referred to provisions of the 1949 treaty, which is regarded as the cornerstone of international law on the obligations of warring and occupying powers.

These folks really have difficulty differentiating between civilians and terrorists, don't they? Here's a tip: Civilians don't fire rockets.

Switzerland, as the depository of the conventions, has a responsibility to call meetings if it finds general problems with the implementation of the treaty, but it does not have any special powers to interpret the document.

I actually didn't know that Switzerland is supposed to call meetings if the treaty isn't being implemented. Sleeping on the job, are they?

When it launched its first large-scale military action in Gaza since withdrawing from the Strip last summer, Israel's declared purpose was to lean on operatives to release Cpl. Gilad Shalit. In statements since, government officials have said they also mean to disable the Hamas government and stop gunmen from launching rockets at southern Israel.

"They have criticized us even though we are showing restraint," Aviv Shir-On, Israel's ambassador in Bern, told The Associated Press. "We are disappointed that the Swiss government did not issue such statements when Israel's civilian population was constantly under attack from the Gaza Strip."

Shir-On said the criticism was unfair when Israel was supplying people in Gaza with electricity, water, fresh food and necessary medicine even though Hamas was sworn to the Jewish state's destruction.

Damn straight.

Switzerland also called for the "rapid release" of Shalit, but said Israel had an obligation "to respect international humanitarian law in the measures it undertakes to liberate the captured soldier."

It said Israel's destruction last week of the main Gaza electricity power station and its attack on the office of the Palestinian prime minister was unjustified. It also urged Israel to free Hamas legislators, including eight ministers who have been seized.

"The arbitrary arrests of a large number of democratically elected representatives of the people and ministers ... cannot be justified," the statement said.

Sure it can. Watch: Hamas is an organization of terrorists who are doing their very best to murder as many innocent Israelis as possible, as part of Hamas's openly stated goal to destroy Israel.

There you go. It's justified.

Switzerland said it had earmarked an additional 1 million francs ($820,000) to provide medical supplies to civilians in Gaza.

Oooohhh, $820k! Aren't you the generous ones?

So, let me get this straight. Israel endures months and months of attacks on civilian targets from the Palestinians. One of their soldiers is kidnapped, and they employ military action to get him back, striking at only military targets and causing virtually no civilian casualties. Meanwhile, Palestine continues to launch attacks at civilian targets, including (according to them) a biological weapon. And Switzerland wants to denounce Israel?

My dear Swiss Foreign Ministry, allow me to be the first to offer you a hearty American fuck off.

Gaza conflict: Update

2006-07-03T23:28:00.000-05:00

I'm sure most of you are following the events through Haaretz, the JPost, and blogs like Israellycool and Vital Perspective. But for anyone who's missed it, sometime yesterday, the Palestinians issued an ultimatum stating that Israel must release one thousand prisoners, by which they meant one thousand terrorists who were in flagrante delicto, or else "the case would be closed" for Corporal Shalit.

Needless to say, Israel rejected this absurd demand, and informed the Palestinians once again that the entire Gaza offensive would end as soon as Corporal Shalit was released unharmed. The deadline for the ultimatum has recently passed, and the Islamic Army spokesman is now saying that the discussion is closed on Corporal Shalit.

I fear he has already been murdered, much as Eliyahu Asheri was murdered almost as soon as he was captured, while the Palestinian terrorists claimed he was alive. If my fear proves to be founded, then Israel will redouble their efforts, and continue to destroy Hamas's infrastructure, severely hampering their ability to wage terror while - and mark this - inflicting virtually no civilian casualties.

Low Israeli civilian casualties are the result of Palestinian incompetence, whereas low Palestinian civilian casualties are the result of Israel making carefully executed strikes against military targets only. The Palestinians' primary goal is the extermination of Israel. They have stated as much on many occasions. They fire rockets at nonmilitary targets in Israel daily. They kidnap civilians and soldiers, and brutally murder them. They send their women and children into civilian areas wearing belts of explosives. They have claimed to have biological weapons, declared their intention of using them against Israel, and claimed that they fired such a weapon.

Make no mistake: The Palestinians have declared war on Israel.

And what does the world say?

The world tells Israel to exercise restraint.

Even Tony Snow, while affirming Israel's right to fight for the return of their soldier and stating firmly that Hamas must release him, ends his speeches with this maudlin platitude.

Shame on you, Mr. Snow. And shame on you, Mr. Bush. Has Israel done anything other than exercise restraint? And have the Palestinians done anything other than attempt to slaughter Israeli civilians indiscriminately?

Israel and Restraint

2006-06-30T23:38:00.000-05:00

I've noticed several calls for Israel to exercise restraint. Well, I've got news for you geniuses. If Israel did not exercise restraint each and every day, there wouldn't be a single Palestinian left to launch Kassams at Sderot, or anywhere else. You think Israel couldn't wipe out every one of them in one night?

I am reminded of this passage from Lord of the Rings, though:

'When have I been hasty or unwary, who have waited and prepared for so many long years?' said Aragorn.

'Never yet. Do not then stumble at the end of the road,' answered Gandalf.

I suppose that could be the context in which at least some of these calls are meant, but it still comes off as a bit sanctimonious.

I should be in bed, but this article pissed me off.

2006-06-28T21:33:00.000-05:00

So I was looking around, trying to get any confirmation of the chemical warhead attack mentioned on Haaretz, and found this article on foxnews.com. It started out pretty well, calling the Palestinians "terrorists" in the headline, but then went on with remarks such as this:

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip — Israel sent tanks into northern Gaza and arrested the Palestinian deputy prime minister and dozens of other Hamas government officials early Thursday, escalating its response to the abduction of one of its soldiers.

Er...and the firing of countless Kassam rockets. Cease-fire my ass. Hamas, Fatah, and Islamic Jihad have it pretty well worked out - at any given time, two of them pretend to be at the bargaining table with Israel so the third can keep on attacking, and Israel can't respond or else it's not playing fair at said table.

There's also the abduction of two civilians, one 18 and one over 60. The eighteen-year-old, Eliyahu Asheri, as the article goes on to mention, has been murdered.

The moves came after thousands of troops moved into southern Gaza Wednesday and Israeli warplanes roared over the summer home of Syria's president, who is blamed for harboring Hamas leaders.

If by "is blamed for harboring Hamas leaders" you mean "harbors Hamas leaders," then you're right. Geez, why not just say he was "unjustly accused" while you're at it? After all, such a diminutive little ~~optometrist~~ ~~optician~~ ~~oculist~~ who gives a fuck? could never mean harm to anyone.

Although the Israeli action was sparked by the abduction of the soldier, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert's government also is alarmed by the firing of homemade rockets on Israeli communities around Gaza and support for Hamas in the Arab world, especially from Syria.

Only took you seven paragraphs to mention those rockets. Not bad.

In a clear warning to Syrian President Bashar Assad, Israeli airplanes flew over his seaside home near the Mediterranean port city of Latakia in northwestern Syria, military officials confirmed, citing the "direct link" between his government and Hamas. Israeli television reports said four planes were involved in the low-altitude flight, and that Assad was there at the time.

Syria confirmed Israeli warplanes entered its airspace, but said its air defenses forced the Israeli aircraft to flee.

Nice scare quotation marks around "direct link." Also, if anyone thinks Syria has air defenses that could do anything against Israeli F-16's, he deserves to be pointed at and scorned. I burst out laughing when I first read Syria's claim of having scared off the IAF.

This is what we call surgical strikes against terrorist infrastructure, with as little damage as possible to civilians.

Witnesses reported heavy shelling around Gaza's long-closed airport, which Israeli troops took over.

What do you want to bet the airport is closed because the Hamas-led "government" is too busy trying to kill Israelis to get the airport functioning again?

Prior to the latest incursion into northern Gaza, the Israeli army dropped leaflets warning residents of impending military activity.

Dozens of Palestinian militants — armed with automatic weapons and grenades — took up positions, bracing for the attack.

Anxious Palestinians pondered whether the incursion, the first large-scale ground offensive since Israel withdrew from Gaza last year, was essentially a "shock and awe" display designed to intimidate militants, or the prelude to a full-scale invasion.

Or maybe Israel is finally sick and tired of being constantly attacked by murderers, and has decided to hit their infrastructure and arrest their leaders. I didn't quote this part, but the author grudgingly admitted in the fifth paragraph that no deaths or injuries as a result of Israeli actions had occurred.

The White House kept up its pressure on Hamas, saying the Palestinian government must "stop all acts of violence and terror." But the U.S. also urged Israel to show restraint.

"In any actions the government of Israel may undertake, the United States urges that it ensures that innocent civilians are not harmed, and also that it avoid the unnecessary destruction of property and infrastructure," said White House press secretary Tony Snow.

The White House also said that Israel has every right to respond to the attacks made on it constantly. I'm personally not impressed with the statement quoted above, nor with Condi's recent remarks in favor of the diplomatic process, but suspect it's primarily political posturing. Not sure what the hell Condi is thinking, though.

U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan urged restraint in a phone call to Olmert, saying he had spoken with Assad and Abbas and asked them to do everything possible to release the soldier. Arab League Secretary-General Amr Moussa called on the U.S. to assume its role as "honest broker" and to make the Palestinian-Israeli conflict its top priority in the Middle East.

There are so many things wrong with this paragraph. One: Annan didn't even know about Hamas constantly firing Kassam rockets until Olmert told him. So as far as I'm concerned, Annan can go jump in a lake. [This was originally a much more vulgar remark.] Two: Neither Assad nor Abbas has any real control over Hamas. There's a reason no one pays much attention to them. Three: Arab League Secretary-General Amr Moussa can go soak his head.

Hamas' negotiators' tentative acceptance Tuesday of a document that Abbas allies claimed implicitly recognizes Israel appeared beside the point a day later, with Israel saying no political agreement can substitute for Shalit's freedom.

I like how the author fails to mention the fact that this document does NOT recognize Israel, implicitly or otherwise, and that the people who signed it have stated explicitly that it doesn't.

Gaza's economy was already in the doldrums before the Israeli assault, a result of five years of Israeli-Palestinian violence and an international aid boycott that followed Hamas' parliamentary election victory in January. The Israeli assault threatened to turn a bad situation into a disaster — underscoring the extent to which hopes have been dashed following the optimism that accompanied Israel's pullout.

Palestinian plans for high-rise apartments, sports complexes and industrial parks in lands evacuated by Israel have given way to despair, with rising poverty, increasingly violent relations with Israel and a looming threat of civil war.

Cry me a fucking river. If the Palestinians want peace and prosperity, how about they elect a government that isn't a bunch of terrorists?

At this point, I was about ready to write a strongly worded letter to Fox, but then I glanced up and saw that this article came from...you guessed it...the Associated Press.

Fucking anti-Semitic dhimmis.

Update: Yeah, yeah, Assad's an ophthalmologist...I realized that right after I finished the post and shut the computer down, but didn't have time to fix it until the next night.

Happy Father's Day

2006-06-18T12:34:00.000-05:00

to all the fathers out there.

And I'd just like to say that my dad kicks ass.

Timothy Zahn a conservative??

2006-06-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

Look at this:

[Thrawn:] "Tell me, do you understand the concept of neutralizing a potential enemy before that enemy can launch an attack against you?"

"You mean like a preemptive strike?" Car'das asked. "Certainly."

"It's widespread among your people, then?"

"I'm not sure widespread is the right word," Car'das hedged. "I know there are people who consider it immoral."

"Do you?"

Car'das grimaced. He was twenty-three years old, and he worked for a smuggler who liked to tweak Hutts. What did he know about the universe? "I think that if you're going to do something like that, you need to make very sure they're a genuine threat," he said slowly. "I mean, you need to have evidence that they were actually planning to attack you."

"What about someone who may not plan to attack you personally, but is constantly attacking others?"

It was pretty obvious where this was going. "You mean like the Vagaari?" Car'das asked.

"Exactly," Thrawn confirmed. "As I told you, they have not yet attacked Chiss territory, and military doctrine dictates they must therefore be ignored. Do the beings they prey on have any claim on our military strength, or must we simply stand aside and watch as they are slaughtered or enslaved?"

You know, I didn't think Grand Admiral Thrawn could get any sexier, but I was wrong.

And later:

Thrass shook his head and went back to the door. There he stopped, his hand over the control. "Has it ever occurred to you," he said, not turning around, "that attacks like yours might actually provoke beings like the Vagaari to move against us? That if we simply left them alone, they might never become any threat to the Ascendancy at all?"

"No, I've never had any such thoughts," Thrawn replied evenly.

Because Thrawn knows better. He's seen the ruthlessness of the Vagaari, and he knows that they will indeed attack the Chiss as soon as they feel themselves in a position to do so. He understands that he must move against them before they gather enough strength to harm his people. Not to mention that he feels ethically obligated to stop them from enslaving and murdering other sentient beings.

I think it may be safe to assume that Mr. Zahn, like the uber-sexy Dafydd ab Hugh, is a conservative.

(Ok, so Thrawn is technically a bad guy. But he is also a very sympathetic bad guy, who is well-loved by SW fans. I can't imagine Zahn not liking Thrawn as much as we do.)

On a marginally related note, I don't think I would work for someone who likes to tweak Hutts. Those things are hermaphroditic and...

You know what? Let's not go there.

Random gripe

2006-06-16T22:52:00.000-05:00

Why can't people write emails in plain text? And if the email must be in HTML, does it have to be Word-generated HTML?

I'm viewing a message generated with Word in plain text, and I'm sorely tempted to leave in all the extraneous crap when I reply so this moron can see what her email looks like. Better yet, her email consists of several questions I'm supposed to answer. I think I'll put each answer beneath its question. Then she'll have a serious hunt to find them amidst all the "[p class=MsoNormal style='line-height:200%'][span style='font-size:14.0pt; line-height:200%;font-family:"Californian FB"']Howdy![/span][/p]" business.

What do you think? Too subtle?

Possible hiatus/sleepiness for this blog

2006-06-12T16:52:00.000-05:00

At least while I sort out my new routine.

FDA approves cervical cancer vaccine

2006-06-10T00:43:00.000-05:00

And the Discovery Channel notes that "conservative groups" oppose making it mandatory.

I can't understand how anyone could possibly support making this mandatory. We're not talking about a disease that's transmitted by breathing. We're talking about a disease that is transmitted by genital contact (the vaccine is actually against HPV, which causes cervical cancer as well as warts). And we're not talking about making the vaccine available to adult women. We're talking about forcing it on nine-year-olds, who don't even know what sex is and certainly aren't in a position to make choices about their sex lives.

Obviously, this vaccine can save lives. I support making it available to adult women, and definitely would support efforts to educate the public about it (provided such efforts also point out that HPV can be prevented by simply keeping one's legs crossed). (Insert usual caveats about danger of vaccines, follow-up studies to monitor for side effects, etc.)

But how on earth can anyone possibly support mandatory administration to preteen girls?

I would really like to hear well-reasoned arguments on both sides of the issue. I can't distance myself very well from the visceral revulsion I feel at the idea.

Update: I have a question about this vaccine that the article didn't address. While it's said to prevent the vast majority of cases of warts, and prevent cervical cancer entirely, does it also prevent you from being a carrier? I mean, that's part of the reason HPV is ever so terribly difficult to prevent, right? Because some people (especially men) don't show any symptoms?

Update II: I also want to remind y'all that not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV. The main factor in cervical cancer is the number of partners. Literature on this vaccine needs to stress this point so that women don't think they're safe from cervical cancer simply because they've had the shot.

It all boils down to this: If you don't want to get various disgusting diseases, the effects of which can range from itching to infertility to death, then don't sleep around.

I remember when Ace was posting about this issue a while back, he said something to the effect of, "Sure, two monogamous people who were virgins prior to their relationship aren't going to give each other anything, but..." and then went on to say something else. Apparently, the cogent point he had just made completely eluded him.

Update III: I just posted about this on AOSHQ. More science and less controversy, though. I should have reversed the posts, 'cause it's easier to start fights on AOSHQ than it is over here.

Stirring up shit on other people's blogs is fun. Mwa ha ha ha!

That reminds me, I need to post at RWS's site, too.

Democrats Fling Doo-Doo

2006-06-09T10:35:00.000-05:00

Cross-posted at RWS's. Go comment over there, 'cause she has lots of trolls and I wrote this specifically to bring them out.

Let's kick things off by reading about how Democrats are like monkeys.

But that's such a broad topic, you might say. So many possibilities, you think.

Ah, but this news story tells all:

Republican U.S. Rep. Marilyn Musgrave's re-election campaign was already heated, and it just got smelly as well: Her staff accused a Democratic activist Thursday of leaving an envelope full of dog feces at Musgrave's Greeley [Colorado] office.

Musgrave spokesman Shaun Kenney said someone stuffed the envelope through the mail slot in the door on May 31 and then sped away in a car. Kenney said most of the preprinted return address was blacked out, but staffers used the nine-digit ZIP code to trace it to Kathleen Ensz, a Weld County Democratic volunteer.

Ensz told The Associated Press she left the envelope at Musgrave's office but said it "wasn't in the office doors, it was in the foyer." Asked what she meant by the act, she declined comment.

A "Weld County Democratic volunteer," huh? So, just a random loony who happens to ally herself with the Dems? Just like all the random loonies the Republicans have campaigning for them, right?

Check the last paragraph of the article.

[Democratic opponent Paccione's spokesman James] Thompson said Ensz, vice chairwoman of a state Senate district committee for the county Democratic Party, has no formal ties to the Paccione campaign. [Emphasis added.]

Thanks to Dafydd at Big Lizards for the article and the monkeys comparison.

So, is an envelope full of dog feces considered political speech? And what kind of feces? Are we talking, like, expensive purebred Yorkshire terrier feces, or was this a big ol' mutt's daily dump, complete with worms? Was there a fee paid for the acquisition of the feces, and if so, can the, er, lady, claim it on her expense form?

I think Mr. McCain may have to revise his campaign finance law.

The Shining

2006-06-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

I noticed Musli's been asking about The Shining here and there, and I want to give my opinion of it, because I think it sucks.

My mistake was that I read the book before I saw the movie. Now, I'm not a huge fan of Stephen King, but his early work is quite good (considering the genre), and The Shining is no exception. The book is not about a family going to stay in a scary house, which is what The Amityville Horror is about. It is about a man struggling to escape the pattern of physically and emotionally abusive behavior his father taught him, and at last falling prey to his own mistake.

Now, I haven't read this book in a while, but based on what I do recall, Jack Torrance, the father, is a tragic hero trapped in a situation not of his making. The house has supernatural powers, yes, but they are actuated by the presence of his son Danny, who has "the shining," a manifestation of the paranormal. The film version of The Shining, starring Jack Nicholson, makes it out as if Jack Torrance is a crazed lunatic who takes his family to stay at a haunted house. There is none of the internal struggle faced by Jack in the book, no presentation of Jack as a basically decent man, and very little discussion of Danny having any special abilities other than speaking in tongues while wiggling his finger.

That is where the movie fails. It tries to be scary by throwing stuff at you unexpectedly and having Jack Nicholson run around the house with an ax, and completely ignores the pathos of Jack Torrance falling into the trap he's tried so desperately to escape. It also ignores the internal struggle Danny faces as he tries to understand and accept his powers, and the guilt he feels at knowing he is the source of the fuel the hotel needs to manifest the powers that are changing his father and frightening his mother.

The movie even leaves out some of the scariest incidents from the text, probably because of the limitations on special effects back then. I personally thought the worst change was the replacement of the topiaries with a maze. A maze. That's supposed to be scary? Please.

Now, I don't particularly care for scary movies, so y'all can take my opinion with a grain of salt. But I don't think The Shining is all that scary, and compared to the book, it is a feeble, paltry attempt at horror. I found myself rolling my eyes at most of the purportedly climactic moments, such as Jack Nicholson hacking through the door and proclaiming, "Heeeeeere's Johnny!" And I was many years younger when I saw it (it was a good ten years ago at least).

I guess it all depends on why you want to see it. I don't know why Musli wants to see it, other than possibly because he wants to experience American film culture. In that case, I'd say go ahead and see it. Just don't expect it to live up to the hype.

Good news!!

2006-06-08T09:41:00.000-05:00

Zarqawi bites the dust!

Thanks to Brew at IB.

On second thought, this may not be such good news after all. What are we going to do without the Zarkman's guest commentary on Iowahawk?

Update: Temporary hotlink to appropriate image, from this page:
I'll take it down after I run.

Update II: Removed hotlink. Still doin' the bull dance though. Feelin' the flow. Workin' it, workin' it.

This (bad) gimp made especially for steve_in_hb

2006-06-07T23:17:00.000-05:00

Just sayin'.

Actually, she jumped the shark for me last year, with her behavior regarding John Roberts's nomination.

Like RWS said in the comments, the woman just does not have an internal censor telling her not to say certain things. She doesn't seem to get that valid points don't have to be wrapped in vicious attacks. I do think she's right on this issue, and the remark isn't as awful as it seems in full context, but the fact remains that, as Ace points out, she could have made the same point with much less venom. Also, as Wickedpinto says in the comments, she has a tendency to put her foot in all of our mouths.

(By the way, I dedicate my terrible image to steve_in_hb because he's always saying she's not a human, but rather an ostrich woman from Avian IV, or something to that effect. Now that I look more closely, I notice I should have put her head a little lower, but unfortunately, I didn't save the .xcf, and I'm not going through all that with the free-form select again.)

Did you know that "itch" is a transitive verb in some parts of the Northeast?

2006-06-07T21:55:00.000-05:00

Those weirdo Yankees.

Anyway, I defy you to read this article and not itch:

Genes and gender help determine an individual’s urge to scratch, suggests a new study on pruritus, otherwise known as itch.

The study is the first to demonstrate sex differences in itch-induced scratching behavior in animals. The researchers studied mice, but the findings could apply to humans and other mammals.

The conclusion? Females scratched themselves 23 percent more often than males did.

I wouldn't have guessed that.

Mogil told Discovery News itch is the second most common reason people seek medical care.

He explained that pruritus is an important symptom of many skin, systemic and autoimmune diseases. Numerous medications, such as the malaria drug administered to the mice, cause itching as a troubling side effect. Itching can also be a chronic condition in its own right.

The most common reason people seek medical attention, of course, is pain. Interestingly enough, Mogil and his team found that individuals sensitive to pain were more resistant to itch, while those with less pain sensitivity had a greater tendency to scratch.

You know what makes a great backscratcher? An engineering scale. mmm, Staedtler.

"I think pain and itch are wired up in the brain as opposites, in a sense, such that inheriting particular forms of pain/itch-relevant genes would simultaneously make you more sensitive to pain and less sensitive to itch, or vice versa," he speculated.

The pain/itch correlation, however, is complicated by findings from another study last year in the journal Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. That study found that women feel pain more intensely than men do.

...

It could be that women are more sensitive than men to both pain and itch, or that women have evolved some level of pain tolerance, perhaps due to giving birth.

Or your results in mice don't extend to humans.

Has anyone in science today even heard of Occam's Razor?

Review: The Art of War

2006-06-07T19:33:00.000-05:00

Sun Tzu's famous work, The Art of War, is practically required reading for military commanders, and was given to me as a graduation present by a former Army Ranger (who also gave me The Book of Five Rings, which I reviewed earlier). Rabid pro-military bloodthirsty neocon that I am, I've been meaning to read The Art of War for quite some time, and found the source of my copy quite appropriate.

While I've naturally heard of this work, just as I've heard of von Clausewitz's treatise, I wasn't entirely sure what its scope was. So for the benefit of those who may similarly be curious, I shall expound.

Sun Tzu was, as you no doubt know, a famous Chinese general. He lived during the time of the Chou Dynasty, which lasted from circa 1027 B.C. to 221 B.C. Born in 544 B.C., Sun Tzu was in the service of King Ho Lu from 510 B.C. - 496 B.C., during which time he apparently wrote the notes left to us as The Art of War, which were not properly translated into English until Lionel Giles undertook the work in 1910.

In this work, Sun Tzu (Sun is his family name and Tzu is an honorific) expounds on the art of war, from the characteristics of a winning general to the ways in which to use terrain to the types and uses of spies. It's very interesting and provides valuable insight to war on the ground, and also to the sort of work that special forces must do.

As with The Book of Five Rings, the lessons are useful in terms of the broad strategy they articulate, rather than in terms of the actual statements. For example, Sun Tzu says to never besiege a walled city, which makes sense when you consider the massive fortifications that were Chinese cities at the time. Directly attacking such a city rather than using intrigue and stratagem would be sort of like using explosives instead of a safecracker to open a bank vault. (Sorry, I've been watching a lot of Matlock and Magnum, P.I. this week.)

One characteristic I found interesting is Sun Tzu's treatment of the human aspects of war. He mentions several times that a war should not be prolonged due to the human costs, in terms of lives and destruction of farmland, and he seems (judging from the translation) to be approaching this from a moral perspective rather than an economic perspective or even a common-sense perspective (it's reasonable to conjecture that the less farmland you've destroyed, the less resentful the peasants you've just conquered will be). I certainly agree with such an approach, but it's sort of funny to think of how your average anti-war leftist would react to it.

I can't help but wonder what Sun Tzu would have written had he lived in a later time, when war was also waged in the air. He writes at length of the difficulties and costs inherent in sending armies long distances, with supply trains and various ragtag following along. I never quite thought about how much aircraft must have changed the face of war.

This edition, the Barnes & Noble Classics edition, has the text both annotated and unannotated. The annotations are primarily those of the translator, Lionel Giles, who translates works of the major Chinese commentators and adds quotations from other military works. The modern-day editor also includes various remarks and quotations of her own, and says that the definitive line of The Art of War is this: "All warfare is based on deception."

I'd recommend this edition of The Art of War, as the commentary is useful and interesting, and you also have the option of reading the text without the annotations.

terror busts make me happy.

2006-06-04T10:51:00.000-05:00

By the way, the reason I don't generally post on this stuff is that I assume you've already read it, and my opinion should be fairly obvious.

But judging by that golfwear idiot's email to me, it is not apparent that I'm as conservative as they come. So, for everyone's benefit, here is how you may discover my response to the news of a massive terror bust in Canada:

Go here
Select "Smiley Faces" from the menu on the left
Select "smiley034" from the drop-down menu
Watch the animation (it's slow)

Also, I like this animation, found from this page. (I know it was in Canada, but I say a defeat for terror is a victory for us.)

(I would have just put them in the post with appropriate attribution, but I'm not sure how to upload something other than a .jpg, and I thought hotlinking would be kind of jerky.)

And I, like everyone else, burst out laughing at the revelation that the suspects were from a "variety of backgrounds."

Something that's been on my mind recently

2006-06-03T18:19:00.000-05:00

An acquaintance of mine told me that she had been delaying the start of her master's for a year because of her fiancé (now ex).

This is something I find completely incomprehensible. I would never put my education or career on hold for some man. I have a prestigious, rewarding, challenging career, and if a man asked me to leave that career for him, that would end the relationship no matter how much I loved the guy. Similarly, I'm probably going to start looking into opportunities to do a master's in about a year. If a man asked me to do the coursework on his schedule, I would tell him to go jump in a lake (actually, I would most likely make a much more offensive suggestion involving pastry in motion). Again, relationship-ender right there.

Just the very idea of a man asking such a sacrifice of me makes me so blindingly furious that I want to punch the next guy I see on behalf of his entire sex.

Am I alone in this?

Review: The Book of Five Rings

2006-06-01T23:45:00.000-05:00

My head hurts.

I was visiting a friend a couple months ago, and we were discussing books (a frequent topic of conversation with me). He said he never rereads books, because he remembers everything that happened. Had he let me get a word in edgewise, I would have countered that rereading a book isn't about going back over what happened. It's about returning to the work with context gleaned from additional experiences, and gaining new insights.

Obviously, I don't mean something like E. Nesbit or Edgar Rice Burroughs, which I read purely for enjoyment. I mean a book like, for example, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, which will be a very different experience for a fifteen-year-old as opposed to a twenty-three-year-old. Same for anything by Steinbeck. Same, even, for Lord of the Rings.

That isn't to say that brain candy books aren't subject to differing interpretations at different ages. I know I'll see John Carter and Dick Seaton very differently when I'm forty. But the more profound works naturally have more impact on the reader, and so when I reread something like East of Eden, I'm looking for new insights and new understanding that I couldn't have had before, simply because I hadn't lived enough.

The Book of Five Rings, by Miyamoto Musashi, is one of the books I will read and reread. I read it twice today, in fact, simply because the first reading was so beyond me. I caught a concept here and there, but I can't say I understood the work.

Musashi, born in feudal Japan in 1584, was a samurai. More specifically, he was a ronin, meaning he had no master, and roamed the land, frequently fighting other samurai to see whose technique was better. He is supposed to have been undefeated, and around the age of fifty, came to understand that he was undefeated because of his perfect mental approach. The Book of Five Rings, then, is about the mental approach - about how to achieve Zen in daily living, so that in everything you do, you act with the same unconscious instinct.

As I said, I had a lot of difficulty understanding the work, so take my interpretations with a grain of salt. But I gleaned that Musashi says that everything, whether it be swordplay or painting, must be practiced until it becomes intuitive, until the muscles of the body act with no direction from the mind. Also, the practice must be correct. There is no point, for example, in practicing when you are very tired and falling into sloppy habits, because practicing poor habits causes you to learn those habits instead of learning it correctly.

I thought about this in terms of playing the piano. I've never had a piano lesson in my life, and am not particularly good at sight reading, so my ability to bang out a simple Bach solo is the result of considerable study and practice. I don't need the sheet music to play either of the two pieces of which I am thinking (Chorale in F major and Minuet in G major), as I have practiced both so often that my fingers know them by heart. There have been times when I've fallen out of practice (such as when I was away at school), but when I sit down to the piano again, after a couple false starts, my fingers remember the piece and I can play it note-perfect.

I do have a tendency to ignore dynamic markings when I am just learning a piece, however. I have a feeling Musashi wouldn't approve.

One part of the book is about swordfighting, which on the surface isn't particularly relevant to my life. This book, however, is not about surface meanings. Here is one excerpt that I immediately understood.

When the opponent sets up a move, it is important to leave that which is of no use to the opponent and to hold down that which can be of use so as to make it impossible for the opponent to carry out his plans...When the opponent attempts to execute a move, frustrate it from the onset, make whatever the opponent was trying to accomplish of no use, and achieve the freedom with which to lead the opponent.

I understood this passage because this is exactly how I play chess. Nevertheless, my overall chess strategy would not meet with Musashi's favor, because it's very defensive, and Musashi says that when you are on the defense, you are allowing your opponent to lead you.

Another passage I immediately understood and saw the applications of was the following.

By "to stab at the face" is meant that when the long swords of the opponents and allies are equal, to stab the face of the opponent with the point of one's own long sword between the long swords of the opponent's and the long swords of one's own side. If there is the will to stab the face of the opponent, the opponent will endeavor to move away his face and torso. If the opponent tries to move away his face and torso, there are many ways by which one can achieve victory. This should be thought out.

During combat, if the opponent intends to get out of the way, for all intents and purposes you have already won. That is why this "to stab at the face" should not be forgotten. While practicing the martial arts, one should train well in this advantageous method. [Emphasis added.]

This applies not just to swordfighting, but to any fighting, to chess, to poker, and even to business negotiating, and I'm sure to dozens of other aspects of life I can't think of late at night. Basically, if you have the guts to take an action, and your opponent flinches, you win.

The Book of Five Rings is page after page of these sorts of insights, many of which I understood only imperfectly. I'll be coming back to this book year after year, trying to put more of it in context, trying to grasp Musashi's philosophy, so that I too may be undefeated.

I highly recommend it.

Review: New Treasure Seekers

2006-05-31T20:58:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love E. Nesbit's children's books, from The Book of Dragons to The Railway Children, and her series about the Bastables is no exception. I've read most of them on Project Gutenberg, since Nesbit is hard to find in bookstores. (Frances Hodgson Burnett is even harder. All they ever have is The Secret Garden and A Little Princess, both of which I like and have, but neither holds a candle to The Lost Prince. The White People is also excellent.)

The trouble with Project Gutenberg is that they have only books on which the copyright has expired. So every so often, I run across a work I haven't read on PG, and immediately snap it up. New Treasure Seekers, by E. Nesbit, was one of these.

This is the third book about the exploits of the Bastable family, of which Oswald, the narrator, is the primary character. The family is rather large (two girls and four boys). Nesbit prefers to portray down-to-earth children, who get dirty and get into trouble just like any kid*, except that the Bastables get into much more trouble than the average kid is capable of causing. She even makes a reference (in another book; I forget which) to Little Lord Fauntleroy, the hero of Burnett's eponymous work, as being "quite a frightful prig."

(Speaking of references, on the very first page of The Magician's Nephew, Lewis mentions "the Bastables digging for treasure on Lewisham Road.")

Thus, Nesbit is capable of delivering a highly entertaining tale that despite having a moral, never gets preachy, a fault that Burnett and Louisa May Alcott both have. The books are also often educational (I am thinking of The Story of the Amulet, in which a group of children travel to several ancient civilizations, including Babylon, Atlantis, and ancient Egypt, and also travel into England's future), but never didactic.

That being said, I personally felt that this book was not as strong as the others in the Bastable sequence that I've read. For one thing, the chapters seemed oddly disconnected, as some were memories of events that had obviously taken place long before events in even the previous two books, but the narrator does not make the timing clear. For another, the book greatly suffered from the near absence of my favorite character, a grownup known only as "Albert's uncle." Albert's uncle may not have a great deal of "stage time" in the first two, but he does provide a perspective that is highly amusing to the adult reader, particularly in terms of the bafflement of the children who are narrating.

Nesbit is always worth reading, whether she is writing for an audience of children or for adults (I think her short story collection, In Homespun, which can be found at PG, is outstanding), but this particular work is slightly below the level of quality I've come to expect from her.

*This does not include me. I got into trouble in preschool because I refused to finger paint due to my desire to keep my hands clean.

Exciting News

2006-05-31T13:30:00.000-05:00

Today, I signed not one, but two patent applications, for the device I helped design last co-op tour. I am one of three innovators listed on both.

Yes, that's correct. I will have two patents, at the tender age of 23.

Damn, I'm good.

Today's random fact about which none of my readers care

2006-05-30T22:23:00.000-05:00

In tonight's victory, Craig Biggio tied Hank Aaron for ninth on the all-time doubles list.

Trivia question: Craig Biggio is only the second player in history to have at least 50 doubles and 50 stolen bases in one season (he did it in 1998). Who is the other? (No fair looking it up, of course.)

Update: I'll reveal one more letter every hour*. Let's start with R.

_ R _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ R

*By "every hour" I mean "every time I think of it, and right now I've got to read up on our organizational structure at work, so it'll probably be midnight before I remember I posted an update, much less a foolish promise to reveal another letter every hour."

Just so we're clear.

Update II: As guessed in the comments, it is indeed Tris Speaker, a famous center fielder from the dead ball era. He is top of the doubles list with 792. Craig will take sole possession of ninth with his next double, #625, and eighth is Honus Wagner with 640. Biggio currently has 20 doubles in 54 games, putting him on track for 60 doubles this season. I don't really think he is going to hit 60 doubles this season, but he has hit at least 40 the last three seasons, which would pass Honus and possibly Carl Yastrzemski (he needs 43 for that).

By the way, MLB.com has a Milestone Tracker, which I hadn't run across before. It's pretty nifty.

New Policy Statement

2006-05-30T21:28:00.000-05:00

Michael's not the only one who can make policy statements (which he then ignores, I might add). If you'll look at my sidebar, you'll notice that I have added a statement indicating that all emails sent to me are subject to being posted and then mocked.

So the question is, would it be bad if I were to post and mock an email that was sent to me prior to the publishing of this policy?

Of course, with some people, it's just so hard to resist:

Some of the remaining proceeds from the sale of the shirts will go to the campaign to elect the first woman president (and I do not care who she is, what her personal philosophy is, or which party claims her) because the worst woman will still probably be better than the best man. And by the way guys, if you were to turn it all over to the women, you could sit around on the couch and watch the atheletes [sic] manipulate a ball (on the field) or actors glorify violence and disrespect (on the screen), even longer than you do now. So you see, it is a win/win situation.

Yes, this is a man.

Discussing his motivation behind creating his line of women's clothing, he notes:

I have been sitting on the porch out here, for about ten years now. Watching the male golfers bring their (measurement) issues out to the driving range with them. Watching about 99.9% of them having their progress hindered by those issues. Knowing that if they can’t even leave those issues at home when it is time to play a game, that they will certainly bring them to the table when it is time to deal with the important things like power, politics, famine, war, environment, etc... men appear to be concerned only with instant gratification, and possessing no inclination to endeavor.

The men have screwed it up long enough! It is time to give the women an opportunity to see how they can do. No way they could do any worse than the men have. I am ashamed of the way we have behaved toward women from the beginning of time. I can know everything I need to know about a society by the way they treat their women. Women are the superior of the sexes!

Wow. Just...wow.

How did this guy find me? Does he just troll (in the sense of fishing) for women's blogs and then email the hapless bloggers?

I was going to complain that I'm obviously conservative, but then I realized I haven't posted anything political in quite some time. That's because the major issue at the moment is immigration, and I'm too pissed off to be able to post coherently. (It's my money that's going to have to pay for all these damn illegal aliens' health care and such. Also, they can collect Social Security, but a teacher can't? What the hell?)

Anyway, my position on the matter of "women's empowerment" is that it's all BS. I work in engineering, which is a male-dominated field, and I have never been treated differently because of being female. You want to know why? Because I don't expect to be treated differently. It never even crosses my mind that someone could possibly treat me differently. And the result is that no one does.

Also, since he judges societies by the way they treat their women, I am certain he abhors Islamist societies and strongly supports the War on Terror, which has brought increase in liberty and even voting rights to many women. I'm also certain that he would fully support President Rice in her every endeavor.

I'm not going to post the email itself, since it was sent prior to my making the policy statement, but I will note that in the postscript, he inquired as to what an RPG is. (I have RPGs listed among my interests in my profile.) I'm tempted to reply and tell him that it's a rocket-propelled grenade.

tosses ice cube

2006-05-30T20:51:00.000-05:00

*sits back and waits*

(The ice cube is a reference to Buyer's Remorse (click "Pre-made" then select Buyer's Remorse from the drop-down menu), in case you were wondering. In this case, I'm using it to symbolize my desire to hear from a certain individual so that I may then brag to him about my exciting news.)

(It's really super-exciting!)

(In fact, it's extra-exclamation-point exciting!!)

(!!!)

Happy Memorial Day

2006-05-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm a little late with this post, but enjoy your last few hours of Memorial Day. And please take a minute, or two or three, to remember that we are free because of the blood and treasure expended by our armed forces.

Dogblogging

2006-05-25T17:32:00.001-05:00

Ok, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Here is my well-beloved but not well-behaved Pepper.

Waiting.

A rare action shot of Pepper barking, which I assure you she does quite often. Yes, the roof of her mouth really is pink and black.

Pepper on guard.

Looking the wrong way when I'm trying to take her picture.

Who says dogs don't smile?

Still not convinced? Then look at the next one.

And that's only a half-smile for her. I couldn't get her to do a full-on smile for the camera, but she greets us with them when we come home.

Yes, one of her eyes is blue and the other is half-brown half-blue, and no, her vision isn't impaired (people ask us that a lot). Goofy eye coloration is an Australian shepherd trait.

Even with the scabbity-nose, Pepper kicks ass all over y'all's dogs in the cuteness department. And just imagine how cute she was when she was a little puppy.

"Rhythm method" kills embryos

2006-05-25T16:15:00.000-05:00

If you're anything like me, your first reaction to this headline was, "What...the...?!"

The range of birth control choices may have become narrower for couples that believe the sanctity of life begins when sperm meets egg. The rhythm method, a philosopher claims, may compromise millions of embryos.

“Even a policy of practising condom usage and having an abortion in case of failure would cause less embryonic deaths than the rhythm method,” writes Luc Bovens, of the London School of Economics, in the Journal of Medical Ethics.

I must admit I'm a bit baffled as to what qualifies an economist to speak as an expert on appropriate birth control methods from either a biological or an ethical perspective. Naturally, we all have our layman's opinions, but mine, at least, don't generally get published in peer-reviewed journals.

As many as 50% of conceptions may not survive long enough even to disrupt menstruation, Bovens says. It is reasonable to assume then, he adds, that embryos created from sperm that has been sitting for days within the female's reproductive tract before ovulation may be disadvantaged.
The situation is similar, he suggests, for eggs that have been waiting around for sperm to arrive. These are the only two likely scenarios where fertilisation might occur using the rhythm method, he points out.

These embryos may then face a less-than-ideal uterine lining, he points out, since the uterus is not as receptive outside of the most fertile period.

Bovens calculates that, if the rhythm method is 90% effective, and if conceptions outside the fertile period are about twice as likely to fail as to survive, then “millions of rhythm method cycles per year globally depend for their success on massive embryonic death”.

So his entire article is based on bullshit. I see.

“If you’re concerned about embryonic death,” Bovens says, “you’ve got to be consistent here and give up the rhythm method.”
Roger Gosden, at the Center for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility in New York, US, says: "It's quite plausible that more abnormal embryos are conceived at the limits of sperm - and especially egg - viability," he says, "and that these are more frequent in women practising rhythm contraception than those having unprotected intercourse at random stages of the menstrual cycle."

He recalls that at least one study found that Roman Catholics had higher rates of miscarriage, presumably, he says, due to aged gametes. "Actually confirming this is not easy, though," he admits.

This reminds me of when my world geography teacher (who was the biggest hypocrite you ever saw; he decried SUVs for their gas-guzzling ways but himself drove an ancient truck, and decried greedy capitalism but left teaching to work as a lawyer) announced that being vegetarian actually kills more animals, because the primary cause of death of animals is loss of habitat, and the primary cause of loss of habitat is - you guessed it - agriculture.

Bovens has enough time on his hands to make up pretentious bullshit to irritate people he doesn't like, but heaven forbid he do any actual research. His precious little fingers might get paper cuts.

I am appalled that a journal of medical ethics would publish such a paper.

Review: The Canterbury Tales

2006-05-24T21:02:00.000-05:00

After spending the last few days attempting to slog through the Canterbury Tales, I've had to grudgingly admit that there is some truth to Mark Twain's famous maxim that a classic is a book that everyone wants to have read but no one wants to read.

Now I personally have never put much stock in that particular quotation, because many of my favorite books are "classics," and I've generally found that books with that label are the most entertaining reads around. Pride and Prejudice, in addition to being my favorite romance, is also a comedy of manners and incisive social commentary (although we liberated 21st century folks miss some of the latter, since we lack the context that readers in Austen's day had). The Jungle Books are pages of fun with awesome poetry mixed in. (A friend had to rewrite his paper on the definition of poetry after running across one of Kipling's in my away message.) And David Copperfield is f'n hilarious.

The Canterbury Tales, however, have nothing to offer other than some impressive iambic pentameter.

Let's consider the Knight's tale. Theseus imprisons two morons - we'll call them Moron 1 and Moron 2, because I can't be bothered to remember their stupid names - in Athens, his city. The morons are cousins and "sworn brothers," which I think means they're really good friends. We won't speculate on just how good. Anyway, Moron 1 spots Emily, Theseus's sister-in-law, from a distance, and decides that he loves her. Moron 2 glances out the window and decides that he loves her too. Moron 1 points out that he saw her first, and Moron 2 says he saw her as a woman first, while Moron 1 was still debating whether she was a goddess. They nearly come to blows. And did I mention that she's the king's sister-in-law and they're prisoners? I hardly think it matters who saw her first.

So, after a while, Moron 2 gets released from prison, but on condition that he never show his face in Athens again. They argue over who has the harder lot - the one who never gets to see Emily again, or the one who's in frickin' prison. Moron 1 continues swooning over Emily, who of course has no idea what's going on, and Moron 2 heads back to Thebes (his hometown), mourning all the way. Eventually, he realizes that he looks so different from all his constant mourning and skipping meals that no one would recognize him. So he goes back and takes service in Theseus's palace, despite the fact that the penalty for returning is death.

Moron 1 eventually manages to escape from prison, and begins making his way out of town. He hides in a thicket to rest up or something...I wasn't clear as to why he was there...and Moron 2 shows up, mooning over Emily. In a monologue, Moron 2 reveals his true identity, whereupon Moron 1 leaps out of the bushes and denounces Moron 2 for trying to get to Emily, in whom he feels a most proprietary interest considering he's never made eye contact with her. The two start fighting.

Theseus, naturally, comes along at this unpropitious time, with his wife Hippolyta and Emily and a bunch of hangers-on who are dignified by the term "court." Moron 1 tells the whole story, starting off by tattling on Moron 2, and Theseus decides (rightly, in my opinion) that they should both be executed. But all the ladies of the court plead for mercy, and Theseus decides to grant it. He tells them to get 100 knights apiece and return to this spot, where they'll have a tournament, Moron 1 and his knights versus Moron 2 and his knights. The winner of the tournament gets Emily's hand. Emily, of course, is not consulted on the occasion. (Did I mention Theseus is just her brother-in-law? Since when does a brother-in-law have the right to bestow a woman's hand? Ok, maybe her father's dead and she doesn't have any blood brothers, but still.)

Everyone thinks this is a wonderful solution, despite the injuries and deaths that will no doubt result, and Morons 1 and 2 head back to Thebes to get their knights. The knights gotten and the parties returned to Athens, several prayers eventuate on the morning of the tournament. First, Moron 1 prays to Venus for her help, since he loves Emily and Venus is the goddess of love. (I wish I knew which specific term for love is used to refer to her domain. I abso-fuckin'-lutely guarantee it ain't the term for the romantic love that lasts.) Then Emily prays to Diana for her help, since she doesn't want to marry anyone. (I had considerable sympathy for her at this point.) Athena tells her she hasn't got a choice - it's ordained that she's going to marry one of them. Finally, Moron 2 prays to Mars for his help, since the lady's hand will be won with brute strength and Mars is the god of war.

Long story short, Venus and Mars get in a bit of squabble at Olympus, since each has promised victory to his or her penitent, and Saturn secretly agrees to help Venus. So Moron 2 wins the battle, but then, thanks to Saturn, his horse trips and he's mortally wounded. After suffering for many days, during which Emily weeps and laments, which I didn't understand at all, he finally bites the dust, and Theseus gives Emily's hand to Moron 1.

The end.

We won't even discuss the Miller's tale. I've read some disgusting stuff, but that was nasty. I've also read the Wife of Bath's tale, and she's a whore. I read a few more tales before deciding this evening that it wasn't worth it.

Yes, the poetry is impressive, and it is sort of interesting to see how words and phrases have evolved...or at least, it would be if I didn't fully disclaim any and all interest in etymology. But the tales themselves are either f'n boring or absolutely disgusting.

I recommend that no one read this book.

Ever.

(For those who might be curious, the reason I didn't read the Tales in high school like everyone else, including the old guy who was waiting in line behind me when I went to get my vehicle registration renewed, is that I was in the International Baccalaureate program, and we focused on world literature. I am glad that we were exposed to such a wide range of cultures, though I could have done without the culture of incest, bestiality, and pedophilia revealed to me by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, but sorry that I missed out on English literature. So when I'm not reading brain candy, I'm almost always catching up on some of the EngLit I normally would have covered in school.)

Blog Maintenance & Miscellanity

2006-05-20T19:55:00.000-05:00

I've updated the sidebar, including the blogroll and links of interest. If you've blogrolled me and I haven't returned the favor, please drop a note in the comments. (I guarantee the omission is unintentional.)

The new link of interest is the summer reading post, which will be updated continually as I keep reading. I'll also post a review of each book. Most reviews will actually deserve the name rather than going off on tangents regarding obsolete computer games.

Finally, Brian B links to a fun quiz. My results:

Your Linguistic Profile::

55% General American English

30% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

0% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I'm disappointed I haven't got a higher percentage of Dixie, but very pleased at the 0% Yankee. And my favorite question was #5.

Update: Also, the quiz should have asked what you call this little guy, 'cause that's definitely regional. Personally, I say he's a doodlebug.

Review: The Amityville Horror

2006-05-20T16:02:00.000-05:00

First of all: yes, I know it was a hoax. There are still plenty of people who believe it's true, though. I have to admit the arguments at the latter site are thought-provoking, though they ignore major points such as the hoofprint issue (there was no snow that day).

But considering it as simply a scary book, The Amityville Horror is fairly entertaining. The book is written in an odd style, half drily factual and half breathlessly credulous, with exclamation marks sprinkled throughout. Enjoying it fully does require suspending disbelief, forgetting that Anson made much of the story out of whole cloth.

Jodie definitely scared the crap out of me. I don't know why, but the idea of a pig with glowing red eyes that is seen by only the little girl, and apparently the dog, is just really scary. According to the believers' site I linked above, Jodie even followed the Lutzes to California.

The ceramic lion bit scared me, too, for much the same reason that topiaries scare me. (Yes, my fear of topiaries predates my reading of The Shining.) I can't stand topiaries. I can't help feeling that if I were to be near a topiary for a long period of time, I would start catching movement out of the corner of my eye. But when I would turn and look directly at the topiary, I would see nothing. So I would make sure of some mark near the topiary, such as a fallen branch near a foot. And I would turn back to my task. But then, I would see movement from the corner of my eye again, and this time when I looked back at the topiary, I would be almost - almost - certain it had moved. But I would be so unwilling to truly believe the topiary had moved that I would tell myself to stop being so foolish. Even when I caught movement from the corner of my eye for the third time, and looked sharply over to see that the foot was no longer in alignment with the fallen branch, I would still merely shake myself for being silly, and return to my task. I would put all thought of the topiary's movement out of my mind...

...Until it was too late.

This might come from Zork II, now that I think about it. If you stay in the garden too long, you eventually get a message about the topiaries moving. I've re-played all three Zorks as an adult, and seeing that message (I think I was waiting for a rockfall or something, and wanted to wait outside so I could turn the lantern off) sent a primal thrill of fear through my spine.

Damn topiaries.

Now where was I? Oh yes, Amityville. Between researching the hoax, which meant coming across other scary bits not mentioned in the text, and typing up that topiary scenario, I've thoroughly scared myself. So I will leave you all with this thought: If you like a good scary book, and are able to suspend disbelief, The Amityville Horror is not a bad choice.

Just don't read it late at night when you're the only one in the house.

Summer Reading

2006-05-20T15:55:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a running list of books I've read this summer, with links to the reviews. I'll put a link to this post in the sidebar, since it'll be updated frequently.

The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson - Review
The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer - Review
Miscellanity by Various - Reviews
New Treasure Seekers by E. Nesbit - Review
The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi - Review
The Art of War by Sun Tzu - Review
The Dark is Rising sequence by Susan Cooper - Review
Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire - "Review" (I put the word in scare quotation marks because this post consists of one paragraph saying I liked the book and nine paragraphs of an unrelated segue)

Successful shopping trip

2006-05-20T15:03:00.000-05:00

So there I was, following my friends around, mentally composing a rant against today's fashions that would have touched on, among other things, the difficulty inherent in finding clothes that are both fashionable and professional, and the fact that I've been waiting ten frickin' years for the f'n Sixties to go out of style.

And then I saw it. The cutest dress EVER. It's very Fifties...polka dots, poofy skirt, sash, the whole nine yards. And it couldn't fit me better if it had been made custom for me. I can't wait to wear it for swing dancing.

I also got a cute top. It was a little more money than I'd usually spend on myself, but my wallet is overflowing with cash at the moment thanks to graduating, and most of the money came with specific instructions to spend it frivolously.

Summer Reading List

2006-05-19T18:45:00.000-05:00

I'm starting with the books in my bookshelf that, for whatever reason, I haven't gotten around to reading yet. So, in no particular order:

The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson - Yes, I know it's BS.
The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer - You know, that nekkid guy in A Knight's Tale. He was kind of cool.
The Last of the Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper
The Odyssey by Homer - I'll probably precede this with the e-book of the Iliad. I haven't got a paper copy of the full work.
The Art of War by Sun Tzu - This was a graduation present. I've been wanting to read it for years. Especially since Wesley Snipes was kind of hot in the movie.
The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi - Also a grad present. Looks really interesting.
Paradise Lost by John Milton
The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
Outbound Flight by Timothy Zahn - I actually bought this a month or two ago, but have been saving it until I could have time to enjoy it properly. Grand Admiral Thrawn mustn't be rushed, after all.

I'm also going to read The Da Vinci Code, since I figure I ought to read it before I continue bashing it, and Foucault's Pendulum since I enjoyed The Name of the Rose by the same author (Umberto Eco), and Ace's commendation got me interested. And whatever else I pick up at the library.

And yes, I read wicked fast.

Bollywood

2006-05-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

This is far too much fun. Thanks to IB, Ace, and Dave @ GR, who has a contest going.

Here are the ones I've made:

PLV Takes on Dave in Texas

Being into Betsy

A Trip to the Doctor

The last word, "listen," got cut off in that last one.

Er...

2006-05-17T23:27:00.000-05:00

Sexuality survey for high-schoolers:

1) What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2) When did you decide you were heterosexual?
3) Could it be that your heterosexuality is just a phase?
4) To whom have you disclosed your heterosexuality? How did they react?
5) If you have never slept with someone of your same gender, then how do you know you wouldn't prefer it?
6) Is it likely that you have (sic) just haven't' met the right same gender partner yet?
7) Why do you flaunt your lifestyle with wedding rings, photos at work and talk of your heterosexual escapades?
8) Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to come on to me, but why do so many heterosexuals try to seduce others to their orientation?
9) Considering the battering abuse and divorce rate associated with heterosexual coupling, why would you want to enter into that kind of relationship?
10) Why do you heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

RWS's answers were pretty good.

I must say, this survey is pretty damn inappropriate for teenagers.

And how about if everyone just shuts the hell up about their sex lives? You don't see me posting tales of hot nerd sex, no matter how many natural 20s I've rolled in my time.

Update: Okay, Ace can talk about his sex life. (MAJOR content warning. Also, keyboard and monitor damage warning in the event that you are consuming a beverage.) But he's the only one.

Bad Mood Rising

2006-05-17T08:36:00.000-05:00

Anyone got any suggestions for something or someone I can flame the shit out of without any hurt feelings resulting?

Or maybe I'll just go run and get some endorphins goin'. Mmm, endorphins.

I am now officially graduated!

2006-05-14T09:30:00.000-05:00

WHOOP!

In more personal news

2006-05-06T22:38:00.000-05:00

I have decided to eschew Dr. Pepper permanently.

Even A&M has its moonbats.

2006-05-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

Jason Deuterman of the Battalion reviews United 93:

The only drawback is the placing of Muslims, or perhaps even the Islamic faith as a whole, in a bad light. It in no way instills patriotism within the viewer's heart, and instead places a shroud of anger over the viewer, worthy of a Michael Moore documentary, in turn blinding one from the true themes of the film - heroism and sacrifice. One scene features Muslim prayers being trumped by the passengers praying "The Lord's Prayer." Greengrass is blatantly taking a stab at the Islamic faith, as there is no disclaimer at the end of the film mentioning that the terrorists were religious zealots and that Islam does not teach the murdering of thousands through martyrdom.

Really? Islam doesn't teach that? Could have fooled me.

MEMO TO ISLAMISTS: If you want to be called the "Religion of Peace" without a sarcastic "(TM)" following, then maybe you should stop fucking murdering people in the name of your religion.

The tone set by the film created the wrong effect in the audience. Viewers hollered and clapped as the passengers of the flight began savagely assaulting the terrorists. One can only beg the question as to whether or not this is the emotion that the American public should leave the theater with.

One can only wonder just where you learned the definition of "begging the question." Dumbass. I'll let your opinion regarding the inhumanity of "savagely assaulting" people who were in the process of murdering an entire airplaneful of innocents speak for itself.

To put it simply, "United 93" serves as salt in a re-opened wound. If you want to be entertained, do not go see this film. But if you wish to see a well-crafted masterpiece exhibiting all the elements of human chaos combined with experiencing the raw emotion and heroism as demonstrated by all those involved in the 9/11 tragedy, you will not be let down.

What was that? The "heroism as demonstrated by all those involved"?

"All those"?

So now it's heroic to murder three thousand innocent people?

Suddenly I'm reevaluating just what you meant by saying the "true themes of the film" are "heroism and sacrifice."

You sick bastard. There are no words to describe the level of contempt and disgust I have for you.

And September 11th was an atrocity, not a tragedy.

Thanks to blamecandida for pointing out the article.

King Tut's Missing Member Materializes Once More

2006-05-04T08:15:00.000-05:00

Disappeared dick discovered:

King Tutankhamun's rediscovered penis could make the pharaoh stand out in the shrunken world of male mummies, according to a close look into old pictures of the 3,300-year-old mummified king.
The formerly missing sex organ has been just another puzzle in the story of the best-known pharaoh of ancient Egypt.

Photographed intact by Harry Burton (1879-1940) during Howard Carter's excavation of Tut's tomb in 1922, the royal penis was reported missing in 1968, when British scientist Ronald Harrison took a series of X-rays of the mummy.

Speculation abounded that the penis had been stolen and sold.

I know I'd be in the market for a pharaoh's phallus.

"Instead, it has always been there. I found it during the CT scan last year, when the mummy was lifted. It lay loose in the sand around the king's body. It was mummified," Zahi Hawass, chief of Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities, told Discovery News.

At first look, Burton's pictures may seem to indicate that King Tut could have been a little better endowed. But according to mummy expert Eduard Egarter Vigl, the pharaoh was normally built...

"The pharaoh's sex organ is clearly visible in Burton's pictures. All was normal in King Tut. The penis is a highly vascularized organ and shrinks when it is mummified. Actually, King Tut has been flattered by the embalmers' work..." Egarter told Discovery News.

So, not just a mummified penis, but a mummified shrinky dink. Oh yes, I'd definitely check Ebay daily for a prize like that.

United 93 - Now with Comments about the Actual Movie

2006-04-29T23:24:00.000-05:00

I started out to write a review and ended up writing the September 11th essay that's been germinating in my brain for a while. So, here is an actual review.

First of all, I thought the movie was fairly well done cinematographically, despite suffering from shaky camera syndrome. There's one scene in the beginning, when a hijacker, looking very dark and somber, is walking through the airport and pauses for a moment in front of a garish advertisement depicting a scantily clad woman. For me, the juxtaposition of the hijacker and the ad recalled the pronouncements mullahs like to make on the evils of our society. I suspect that was intentional.

I thought the movie was even-handed and factual. The hijackers were not dehumanized, but neither was the enormity of their actions downplayed.

I found myself considering the difference between physical and moral courage. It takes courage of a sort, or perhaps audacity is a better word, to plan this sort of coordinated attack and to carry it out. I can't imagine myself ever having the physical courage to embark upon a suicidal mission, regardless of the strength of my beliefs.

But on the other hand, I do have the moral courage to step back from a situation and evaluate it, and to refuse to do wrong. And that is the sort of courage the hijackers lacked. None of them had the moral courage to examine their beliefs, to consider whether murdering innocent people in the name of Islam could possibly be wrong.

The passengers on Flight 93 had both. They had the moral courage to accept their death and the physical courage to do what they could to avert a greater tragedy, even to the extent of attacking men who were armed and fully prepared to kill them.

I've been reading reactions around the 'sphere, and there have been a couple remarks here and there about some features of the movie. One is that one of the hijackers calls his wife or girlfriend to tell her he loves her just before he gets on the plane. I personally wasn't particularly touched by that, because I believe that love must be founded on mutual equality and respect to exist.

Another is that toward the end, the hijackers are repeating some prayers in, I assume, Arabic, and the camera cuts from them to a passenger who is also praying, then back to the hijackers. My first reaction was disgust at the idea of having something in common with a filthy murdering coward, but the juxtaposition also shows the contrast between fanaticism and faith.

Finally, I have never heard a theater so quiet. After the screen faded to black and the credits began rolling, the theater was still dead silent, and people began slowly exiting, still silent, still thoughtful. There were three boys in my row who I am certain were freshmen cadets, and I saw one of them wipe his eyes roughly with his sleeve as he left. He was just fourteen on that day.

You must go see this movie.

Update, 9:51 Sunday morning: Other reviews 'round the sphere.

AOSHQ: Review thread. Haven't seen a review from Ace himself just yet.
Dave in Texas: United 93. I just got back
Muslihoon: A Review of United 93 - Must-read.
Dave at Garfield Ridge: Movie Review: United 93 - Also very good.
Marchard Chronicles: Let's Role

Feel free to post links to your own in the comments.

United 93

2006-04-29T22:53:00.000-05:00

I've often thought to myself that September 11th is the pivotal event of my generation. Just as I asked my grandmother where she was on V-J Day, and asked my mother where she was when Neil Armstrong took those first halting steps, my children and grandchildren are going to ask me where I was when four planes were hijacked on that bright Tuesday morning four and a half years ago.

I don't know what I'll tell them. I came back from class to find my roommate hanging up the phone, and she told me that two planes had just crashed into the World Trade Center. I didn't believe it. I couldn't. That sort of thing just didn't happen in America. It couldn't.

I knew from the news accounts that it had happened, and I saw the footage for myself, but I still didn't believe it.

I don't mean that I believed that it was faked, or anything of the sort. I mean that the enormity of the attack was beyond my understanding. I couldn't believe that so much evil could be concentrated into nineteen people that they would willingly murder three thousand innocents.

In a way, I almost wish I still couldn't believe that.

I can't point to exactly when I did come to understand the nature of our enemy. I think it was around the time of the Madrid attacks, but it was such a gradual realization that I can't be certain.

But I know now what we are facing.

We are facing evil.

We are facing an enemy that wants to destroy us and our way of life. They can and will slaughter us with gleeful impunity, because to them, we are not people. We are animals, less than human. We may be suffered to live, but only under conditions of their choosing.

Islam does not mean peace.

Islam means submission.

United 93 reminds us of what happened that clear Tuesday morning. The scene that brought me closest to tears was when the second plane had just hit the World Trade Center, and every flight control center was still and silent, heads shaking and hands coming to mouths, as the reality of the situation began to sink in.

But for me, the primary message of United 93 was that Americans will not submit. We will stand together and fight. In the face of evil, we will employ all our considerable ingenuity and what Mark Twain called our "Americanniness," and we will triumph.

There's a scene in Secondhand Lions where Uncle Hub is giving part of his "what every boy needs to know about being a man" speech. "Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most," he says. "That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil...Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in."

Honor, courage, and virtue.

The passengers on United 93 died with honor, having had the clear-eyed courage to accept their imminent death, and the virtue to act to save others despite knowing it would hasten their own end.

Good will always triumph over evil.

Intriguing editorial from the New York Times

2006-04-29T16:10:00.000-05:00

Or New York Birdcage Liner, as the inimitable spurwing plover calls it.

The reason this particular editorial intrigues me is that I can't tell if it's serious. It seems that the Capitol Hill softball league has split into two, due to a difference in opinion on how the championship series should be held, and the New York Times considers this event proof positive that the wicked, backbiting spirit of Congress has poisoned everything in Washington.

On the one hand, such sentences as "Complaints that easygoing Democratic players prefer 'softball welfare' and that hard-sliding Republicans are into 'class warfare' precipitated a schism," "[the championship system supposedly preferred by Democrats] forces the teams with the strongest records to risk playing one another in the opening challenges, rather than letting them feast first on the weaker teams, as in the great American way of professional sports," and "Perhaps Congress should take time out from mangling the budget to contemplate what its tooth-and-claw behavior has wrought in skewing one of the few bits of innocent fun in Washington" sound like excerpts from the sort of subtle tongue-in-cheek article I might write to mock people who take this sort of thing too seriously.

But on the other hand, we are talking about the New York Times. Is there any group more prone to take itself far too seriously?

Plus, the anti-American remark quoted above and the carefully fostered impression that Republicans are responsible for the controversy really sound very NYT-esque. Notice that while the political alignments of the commissioners of the two leagues are given, the alignments of the teams in the leagues are not. Yet the NYT goes to great effort to make sure that the reader has the impression that the Republicans have monolithically split off to form their own league, leaving the Democrats bereft.

All things considered, I think the editorial may be serious.

And that's sad.

Odds and Ends

2006-04-27T17:51:00.000-05:00

As of 11:30 this morning, I had slept 12 of the preceding 76 hours. Since I had finally turned in the last assignment due this week and given all my presentations (I still have an exam tomorrow), I promptly proceeded to nap the afternoon away, and now I am feeling much better.

Some useful tips for others who might be similarly suffering from sleep deprivation:

When removing your pants on campus, take the keys out of the pocket before you sling them over your shoulder. It'll save you a (thankfully successful) trip to the lost and found later.
Keep copies of your work on your school-provided H:/ drive(s) and on your own computer as well as on your flash drive. This way, if you forget your flash drive in the departmental office and don't notice until after hours, you won't have to restart your project from f'n scratch the night before it's due.
Do not drink Dr. Pepper. The combination of sugar and lack of sleep will engage the babbling reflex, and you will irritate everyone around you with your constant stream of irrelevant chatter.

Anyway, I haven't been commenting or posting, but I have occasionally glanced over the posts of folks on my blogroll. Ace is the go-to place for all things McCarthy, and the Innocent Bystanders are looking less innocent every day. (I like "All-Ace All-Star Team" better. Too bad we didn't think of that.)

The Battalion has a cover story today entitled, "With finals approaching, students hit the books." It's that sort of brilliant investigative reporting that keeps me picking up the Batt. (That, and Academic Accolades. C's and Tease has gotten better all semester, too. The "lingerie for men" strip had me laughing for a couple days. I also made use of "And a hot load of Napalm!" in at least one away message.)

Also, Dave at GR has a post that caused me to write such a long comment in response that I felt bad about leaving it on his site and decided to put it here instead. Dave complained that at McDonald's, they don't give him ketchup unless he asks for it, and when he does ask, they give him very little. I have the opposite problem: Whataburger often gives me ketchup without asking. I hate ketchup. So, Dave's comment inspired the following rant, which I have tentatively entitled Mrs. Peel's Burger Manifesto.

Go to Whataburger instead. They always either ask me if I want ketchup (which I f'n don't, ugh!) or put it in the bag without asking. They're pretty generous with the packets.

Besides, I've had a McDonald's burger exactly once in my life, and it was disgusting. So disgusting, in fact, that even though it was a good 15 years ago, I have never forgotten how appalled I was at the flavor, and never even thought about trying another. And don't get me started on the weird grey color of Burger King burgers (not to mention that after those King commercials, I don't want to reward them with my business), and as for Wendy's, chicken nuggets are their reason for existence as far as I'm concerned. (I didn't even know they sold burgers until fairly recently because I never look at the menu.) For fast food burgers, Whataburger is the only way to go.

Actually, there is a local burger joint called Carter Burger that is incredibly good. Plus they have tater tots, which are far superior to fries. But alas, it is not a chain.

Before I discovered Carter Burger, I used to go to Texadelphia when I wanted a burger. They also had good queso. But then Texadelphia closed for some reason, leaving no place on Northgate where a burger could be obtained (McDonald's was never an option, as discussed above). I suffered through several burger-poor years in CS, when the only time I got a whiff of a burger was when I got one in the Underground, before being pointed to Carter Burger.

At home, I used to go to Skeeter's, where I could get a burger that had been mesquite-smoked. Oh my yes. (For those who don't know, mesquite is a tree that grows in the Southwest. When its wood is used to smoke barbecue or burgers, it adds a distinctive & delicious flavor.) Unfortunately, Skeeter's changed their recipes, and nothing tasted good anymore, so I quit going there. I started going to Sweet Mesquite instead, so I could get my mesquite fix and incredibly good onion rings. But now Sweet Mesquite has changed its name and presumably its management. It remains to be seen whether they have retained their successful recipes.

Anyway, all this talk about burgers reminds me that I haven't eaten today. I'm thinking I'll have a you-know-what.

Also, I seem to remember reading somewhere that Whataburger's reach does not extend to the North. Wow, as if there aren't enough reasons to remain comfortably ensconced here in Texas. Y'all already don't have decent Dr. Pepper, and now you tell me there are no Whataburgers? The North must be a desolate, miserable wasteland.

(Incidentally: Dr. Pepper is not worth drinking unless it's bottled in a glass bottle or aluminum can, under the authority of Plano. Check the label before you buy. The exception, of course, is Dublin Dr. Pepper, which is made with 100% pure cane sugar and is simply sublime. In addition, Dr. Pepper must be served chilled and without ice, as ice will negatively impact the flavor. And don't even think about getting it from a soda fountain, because they never get the mixture right.)

The Battle of San Jacinto

2006-04-21T08:55:00.000-05:00

On April 21, 1836, 910 Texicans led by Sam Houston attacked and thoroughly routed a force of ~~1,200~~ roughly 1,600 led by General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna. Houston's army suffered 9 killed and 30 wounded, while Santa Anna saw 630 killed, 208 wounded, and 730, including himself, captured.

The Battle of San Jacinto, which we, as the victors, pronounce "San Juh-sin-to," was the final battle of the campaign for Texas independence. With this victory, the Republic of Texas, which included what is now New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, California, Utah, and parts of Colorado, Wyoming, Kansas, and Oklahoma, was born. It would remain an independent nation for nine years.

I believe "Texas Independence Day" is actually March 2, since that is the date on which the Texas Declaration of Independence was enacted in 1836; but for me, April 21 is the date that never passes without a moment spared to think of the heroes of the Texas Revolution.

Not coincidentally, April 21 is also the date on which we Aggies celebrate Muster, about which you can read here. I'll probably blog more on that later tonight.

World's Unsexiest Men

2006-04-19T08:55:00.000-05:00

It's not often you see a list like this.

I'm amused by Randy Johnson as #2. Don't they realize he has a certain joie de vivre? And you know they can't call him the Big Unit for nothing.

Ebert comes in at #3, demonstrating that the Boston Phoenix does not appreciate his use of his sexuality as armor in daily life, and Alan Colmes is at #5. And #8? Osama bin Laden.

Ron Howard is #21, and Chris Kattan is #31, demonstrating that the writers have not fallen under the spell of Mango. Julian Tavarez clocks in at an unspectacular #33. I'd have to put him higher than that...can't think of many "men" grosser than he is. Same for Michael Moore at #39.

Barry Bonds is only #83. I would think his nasty attitude and the fact that he's clearly hopped up on steroids would put him a lot higher. Man, I can't stand Barry Bonds. I wouldn't care if we lost to the Giants 15-0 as long as Bonds didn't hit any home runs.

A few other names in politics, like O'Reilly, Ashcroft, and Lieberman, are on the list, and the bottom ten include Ralph Nader, Dennis Kucinich, and Brad Pitt. The glaring omission was Tom Cruise.

But y'all will notice that Chris Klein, the Brawny man, and Chuck Connors, all staples of the Skylark of Valeron Lifestyle, are not on the list.

(While trying to get the link for the story, I ran across an interesting blog called "mAss Backwards." He was going to respond with a list of world's unsexiest women, but...well, go see for yourself.)

Memo to Texas A&M:

2006-04-18T21:04:00.000-05:00

If you must survey your graduating seniors by phone, please hire interviewers who can speak English intelligibly.

(Damn outsourcing. I blame Bush.)

Math teacher + mom = crazy delicious geometry problems!

2006-04-18T15:14:00.000-05:00

An email from my mom:

The problem below is being used in geometry and we're trying to figure it out. The answer is 1/27 pi h-cubed. We have no idea how they got that. Do you know?

--------------------------------------
Water is being stored in a conical tank with height 12 feet and base diameter 8 feet. Write an expression for the volume of water in the conical tank as a function of h, the height of the water in the tank.

This is a pretty good problem. Feel free to give it a shot in the comments. The only further information you need is that the volume of a right circular cone with base radius r and height h is (1/3)*pi*(r^2)*h.

First hint: the answer above is wrong.

Virtual Reality Games: Pets vs. Owners

2006-04-17T18:17:00.000-05:00

Sometimes blogging is easy. You just let the story speak for itself.

Researchers develop games that allow you and your pet to compete on equal terms:

If you've ever wanted to match wits with your pet hamster, Mice Arena could be the game for you.
As in a traditional video game, players navigate a virtual world in a bid to stay alive. The twist? Computerized movements in Mice Arena are mapped to and from the real world, where an actual predator (your hamster) gives chase to a digital avatar (you) by pursuing a real piece of bait.

[Insert obligatory Richard Gere joke here.]

"We want to enable pets to play games in a way very similar to the way human players' play," said RASTER's Vladimir Todoroviæ, a collaborator working on the Metazoa Ludens project. "To play a computer game with your hamster would definitely make us think about where we have come with digital tradition now."

It may sound like a really complicated version of Ms. Pac-Man, but the goal of the game makers is ambitious: to merge human spaces with pet spaces through pervasive computing interfaces. By creating high-tech, pets-versus-owners computer games, researchers hope to gain new insights into animal behavior, and perhaps develop new technologies that could close the gap between the species.

What "gap between the species"? Are they talking about the fact that we're taller than hamsters?

In addition to Mice Arena, two other games in the Metazoa Ludens series have been proposed. In Chicken Petman, a real chicken will don the role of a ghost and chase movable bait controlled by a person within a maze. In Jellyfishtrone, the team plans to translate the swimming motion of a jellyfish into the serpent's movements in the traditional game of Snake.

Chicken Petman sounds suspiciously like a certain film starring Mr. Don Knotts. And since when do people make pets out of jellyfish? A chicken, maybe, but a jellyfish?

All the games are being designed to remove the dominant "human edge" and allow both animals and people to have an equal chance of winning, while potentially opening up an entirely new dimension of enjoyable pet-human interaction.

"There is a history and tendency of playing games with animals but most games use very simple items that aren't as 'smart' as computers," said Todoroviæ. "For example, people use tree branches when playing with dogs. What we are exploring is a device that will enable clearer relations and maybe bring some completely unexpected results."

Hey, I do use a tree branch to play with my dog. It's a fun game I like to call "Drop That Damn Dead Bird or Else, Bitch!"

I'm not sure how well that would translate to the virtual world.

What...the...?

2006-04-12T23:55:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a story just makes you shake your head.

Couple fakes birth of sextuplets:

On Tuesday, authorities said the mystery had been solved -- the entire tale was deemed a hoax aimed at tapping the generosity of others to pay the couple's mounting bills...

The Eversons -- Sarah, 45, and Kris, 33 -- claimed to have given birth to four boys and two girls on March 8. The babies were apparently in intensive care.

The tale exploded in the local spotlight Monday when The Examiner in Independence ran on its front page a photograph of the couple holding six one-piece baby outfits and announcing the births.

Those who heard the Eversons' sad story of tight finances set up a Web site to solicit contributions -- including a van, washer and dryer, cash and gift certificates. A real estate agent was even working to find the family new housing.

Hours before admitting it was a scam, Sarah Everson showed an Associated Press reporter pictures of her in maternity clothes, her baring a huge pregnant-looking midsection, even sonogram images she claimed were of her infants. She showed off a tiny nursery, a closet full of baby clothes and the tiny diapers premature newborns must wear.

Did these people actually think this scam could possibly work? Wouldn't someone eventually notice they didn't have any children?

Oh, no problem. Pin it on the in-laws:

She said the entire story of her children's births was being kept secret by a court order enacted because a member of her husband's family was trying to kill the Eversons and their new sextuplets.

Books...$100
Maternity clothes...$300
Baby clothes...$1000
Special diapers...$500
Fake sonograms...$20
Fake tummy...$75
Film...$3
Getting your brother-in-law arrested on six counts of infanticide...Priceless!

Even my uncle is pissed off.

2006-04-11T12:21:00.000-05:00

Here's an email he just sent. Not sure who wrote it; he doesn't give attribution and denies its authorship himself.

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative
comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,

TAXED TO DEATH TAXPAYER

Personally, I think that Mexican federales firing on our Border Patrol agents constitutes an act of war, and that we would be perfectly within our rights to declare war on Mexico. Also, I think if people are publicly admitting that they are here illegally and therefore breaking our laws, then maybe we should, I don't know, arrest them.

Mr. President, with all due respect, wake up. I know you like Fox personally, but he is no friend to you or to our country.

We asked, HayZeus answers

2006-04-10T09:10:00.000-05:00

The responses to our questions.

I'm surprised someone else thinks it would be a good idea for the Stingray to make a comeback...it was just wishful thinking on my part. In general, I see cars as a way to get from Point A to Point B. My apathy extends to nearly any other mechanical mode of transportation. But Corvettes, and specifically Corvette Stingrays, are the exception, because they exude beauty and power and grace.

I was actually kidding about the hitting-on question. The real answer is that I don't go to the sorts of places where hitting on occurs, and as soon as a guy starts giving me that smarmy grin that inevitably precedes an attempt at flirting, I immediately turn prickly and sarcastic.

Extremely light blogging

2006-04-09T16:38:00.000-05:00

will continue for the next three or four weeks. This is my last month of college (as an undergraduate, anyway), and I've got projects and papers galore.

Here are some links to various games and sites I find entertaining.

Jigzone - Jigsaw puzzles. Entirely mindless.
Big Al - Totally rockin' allosaur game from the Beeb.
AdventureQuest - Very silly, very campy online RPG.
Crashdown - Entirely too addictive. Also mindless.
Project Gutenberg - Yay e-books! You can find all kinds of entertaining works here, like Edgar Rice Burroughs's Tarzan and John Carter books, the original Tom Swift series, E. Nesbit, Frances Hodgson Burnett (including the absolutely kickass The Lost Prince), and more fairy tales than you can shake a stick at.

Also, if you have read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and remember Francie's two favorite books, If I Were King and Beverly of Graustark, both of those are on PG. (My reaction to the ending of Beverly of Graustark was, and I quote, "Awww! I was hoping he would be castrated.")
Red Hen - Some people put just a little too much thought into Harry Potter. But if you enjoy speculation about the Potterverse, these essays are well worth reading. I particularly like the fact that she shares my less than salutary opinion of the Ron/Hermione 'ship.

*runs for cover*

I hope to be blogging more steadily once I am finished with school. In the meantime, I'll try to put something up here and there. Stay classy, and thanks for stopping by.

Now that's edutainment!

2006-04-07T10:48:00.000-05:00

You are William John Cavendish-Bentinck-Scott, the Fifth Duke of Portland!

Sometime Marquis of Tichfield, Earl of Portland, Viscount Woodstock, Baron of Cirencester, co-heir to the Barony of Ogle and renowned as the finest judge of horseflesh in England, you took the tradition of aristocratic eccentricity to unprecedented heights. Having inherited the stately home of Welbeck Abbey, you proceeded to construct miles of underground tunnels and a ballroom, in pink, beneath it. The ballroom was complete except for one small detail. It had no floor. Despite this vast home, you lived exclusively in a suite of five rooms, each one also pink.

Having been turned down by your opera singer objet d'amour, Adelaide Kemble, in your youth, you suffered a broken heart and never married. This did not stop you from caring deeply about the wellbeing of your servants. Occasionally you would even help them muck out the stables. However, you did not neglect discipline, forcing disobedient underlings to skate themselves to exhaustion on your subterranean skating rink. Servants were given strict instructions regarding conduct: if they met you in a corridor, they were to ignore your existence while you froze to the spot until they were out of sight; and a chicken was to be kept roasting at all times in case you felt like sneaking into the kitchen for a snack.

You became ever more eccentric with age. You built another tunnel, this time to the railway station, through which you would ride your carriage. When you reached the station your carriage, with you inside, would be hoisted up onto the train in its entirety.

Upon your death, your multitude of titles passed to your cousin, who was obliged to delve into your curious domain to find your body once the servants had reported your absence. Entering your private rooms, he found that, aside from a commode in the centre of your bedroom, the only objects in the whole suite were hundreds of hatboxes, each containing a single brown wig.

Which historical lunatic are you?

Hat tip to HayZeus.

De Villepin and his job law less than popular

2006-04-06T16:53:00.000-05:00

Here's an article about Dominique de Villepin, who is a man, and his jobs law. There's nothing really new in the article. Blah blah, de Villepin proposing a law that will allow employers to fire people who are under 26, blah blah, instant rioting of normally lackadaisical French youth who don't want to be fired but apparently don't like employment either, blah blah, Chirac trying to save face for de Villepin, blah blah. Here's the good part:

The standoff over the law, pushed through by Villepin in February, continued to pummel his popularity. In an opinion poll scheduled to be published this week in L'Express magazine, 45 percent of those surveyed said he should resign.

"What use is Villepin?" said a headline appearing in the newspaper Le Parisien.

That, folks, is a question often asked aboard the Skylark of Valeron. But now that de Villepin is pissing off the French, I think we finally have an answer.

For the record

2006-04-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

I write dates either in ISO format, as 2006-04-05, or in what I call "engineering format," as 05 APR 2006 (most often the latter, but I've been known to use the former). These formats make the most sense because they're in order of significance. It's just stupid to write 4/5/06 and have the significances all out of order. I mean, would you write a time as MM:SS:HH? Of course not, because it doesn't make any damn sense.

So, as far as I'm concerned, tomorrow is not 04/05/06. 04/05/06 is either the fourth of May in 2006 or the sixth of May in '04.

Sometimes a headline just grabs your attention.

2006-04-04T07:26:00.000-05:00

"Spider-hunting nudist ends with ring of fire":

A red-faced Australian nudist who tried to set fire to what he thought was a deadly funnel web spider's nest ended up with badly burned buttocks, emergency officials said Monday.
The 56-year-old man was at a nudist colony near Bowral, about 60 miles southwest of Sydney, Sunday when he spotted what he believed to be a funnel web spider hole.
Ambulance workers, including a helicopter crew, were called to the scene after the man poured petrol down the hole and then lit a match in an attempt to kill the offending arachnid.

I've read this three times and I can't see how you burn your ass by throwing a match in a spider's hole. I think there's something more to the story.

"The exploding gasoline fumes left the man with burns to 18 percent of his body, on the upper leg and buttocks," the NRMA Careflight helicopter rescue service said in a statement.
It said the man's lack of clothing probably contributed to the extent of his burns.

No shit?

NRMA Careflight said it was called to a property in the same area in January when another man kicked a spider that was crawling up the wall of a friend's cabin. The man broke his leg in two places, it said.

Spiders 2, Aussies 0.

Victory smells sweet...

2006-04-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

...like an old baseball glove, or like that first burst of fragrance when you open a Dublin Dr. Pepper, or like the interior of a Corvette, or like the gunpowder from the first time you ever shot a .22 rifle, plugging a Coke can almost dead center at a good 20 yards. (I still have the can in question.)

I know that someone has probably beaten my time even by now, but I was king of the hill for just a few sweet moments, and there's the screenshot to prove it.

Ooh, it feels good.

Well, beat the drum, and hold the phone,

2006-04-03T20:32:00.000-05:00

The sun came out today!
I'm born again, there's new grass on the field,
And roundin' third, and headin' for home,
It's a brown-eyed handsome man!
Anyone* can understand the way I feel.

*Yes, I know some of you think baseball is "boring" and "slow-paced." Humor me.

Update and Bump: RRRRRROOOOOOOYYY!

Fairy tales are seriously f'd up.

2006-04-03T15:48:00.000-05:00

'I have come for something else besides a bed,' replied the young man, drawing his sword, 'and if you do not promise to give me your youngest daughter as my wife I will stab you through the heart.'

What could the poor man do but promise? And he fetched his youngest daughter, who seemed quite pleased at the proposed match, and gave the youth her hand. (Emphasis added.)

What the...

I gotta say, if someone made a similar remark to my dad, I wouldn't be pleased. In fact, I would get my .22, which I think would trump his sword.

Things to know about women

2006-04-03T14:45:00.000-05:00

Dave at Garfield Ridge reads Maxim? Oh, he found the link from someone else. That's a relief. I couldn't bear to think of a fellow Powers Boothe groupie reading a chick mag.

mmmmm Powers Boothe...

Hmm? Oh, uh, anyway, here is Maxim's list of 100 things you need to know about women.

96. Jewelry. Now you always knkow [sic] what to get her for a last-minute gift.

I don't recommend trying this on me. I'm extremely picky about jewelry. For one thing, I'm allergic (both literally and figuratively) to cheap jewelry.

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.

Nope, I've chucked it all. Why the hell would you want any reminders of past relationships?

82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

True dat.

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

*counts on fingers* Hmm, nope.

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

That is, sadly, very true. One of these days I will write a post about the Beauty and the Beast ethos and how it's still mirrored in fiction today.

20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

In my case, that's because I fucking am. As my favorite bartender puts it, we are on the edge of the mate value bell curve.

The whole list is pretty ridiculous. I can't believe people read that sort of crap.

Random Quotation

2006-04-03T09:24:00.000-05:00

"The heart has its reasons which reason will never know." --Blaise Pascal

Usually translated as "The heart has its reasons whereof reason knows nothing," but I prefer the above translation. It just sounds better. Probably because it's pretty close to iambic pentameter.

(Here's a handy little poem by Coleridge that helps me keep feet straight:
Trochee trips from long to short
From long to long in solemn sort
Slow Spondee stalks - firm foot! but ill able
Ever to keep pace with Dactyl trisyllable.
Iamb goes from short to long,
With a leap and a bound the swift Anapests throng.)

Exciting news

2006-04-01T15:28:00.000-06:00

I am the #1 and #2 results on a Google search for "brawny man chuck connors."

Absolutely True Cool Fact about Chuck Norris

2006-03-30T22:54:00.000-06:00

Chuck Norris winked at me once.

"Inside Man"

2006-03-29T22:12:00.000-06:00

(Keep in mind that my opinion of a movie is pretty much worthless until I see it with captioning, because in the theater, I'm only getting about 50% of the dialogue, and am guessing the rest based on body language and other visual clues. Hence, I hesitate to call this a "review.")

First of all, I still refuse to believe that Captain von Trapp and General Chang are the same guy. My theory is there are two totally different actors named Christopher Plummer. (I have a similar theory about Brian Keith, because the dad in The Parent Trap and the horrible bearded man in The Rare Breed cannot possibly be the same guy.)

Anyway, my overall impression of Inside Man was that it was really predictable. Now, I don't mind predictability in and of itself. I mean, we all watch Princess Bride knowing Westley and Buttercup will end up together, Inigo will kill Count Rugen, and Prince Humperdinck will get his just deserts. But when a "suspense" movie is so frickin' predictable that I can tell everything that's going to happen within the first 15 minutes of the movie, and that's with comprehending only 50% of the spoken dialogue (a good 20% of which was the f word), that's just ridiculous.

I thought the plot was sort of cool, but I spent the majority of the movie wishing they would hurry up and get to the point.

So, go see it, or not. It's up to you.

On a completely different note: Why am I the only person who thought The Notebook sucked ass?

Michael's Words of Wisdom

2006-03-28T17:05:00.001-06:00

From his "blog":

MICHAEL'S GUIDELINES FOR MEN ATTEMPTING TO COMMUNICATE WITH WOMEN:
1. For starters, any man who thinks he just had a conversation with a woman where you were both in complete agreement is a fool.

2. You and she do not have a common vocabulary.

3. Even if you did have a common vocabulary, 90% of the conversation was nonverbal and you missed it.

4. The most important conversations with women are when they are really pissed off. Because they are essentially generous, they will try to dumb down the communication channel to Plain English so you can understand. You should pay attention.

Michael is a purveyor of truth like none other. Heed him well.

Now I can die happy.

2006-03-26T18:28:00.000-06:00

I drove a Corvette this weekend!

Granted, only for about twenty minutes, and not fast at all (I went 45 at the most), but I DROVE A CORVETTE!!!

It was so incredibly hot. Oooh, the acceleration. I depressed the gas pedal firmly, and the car accelerated so quickly and so smoothly. I was following someone, and after every turn, deliberately let him pull ahead so that I would have an excuse to accelerate rapidly. Oh, the glory of it beat driving James all hollow, and even surpassed driving my well-beloved Red Leader.

(James, named for James Madison, got ~38 mpg this weekend. So I'm pretty happy with it. But it's no Corvette.)

Query:

2006-03-24T10:03:00.000-06:00

If Chris Klein is an alpha heterosexual, and Tom Cruise alpha-dogged Chris Klein, what does that make Tom Cruise?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Blog maintenance

2006-03-23T21:28:00.000-06:00

I've compiled the Complete Works of Mickey S. into a single blog post and added a link to the sidebar.

And I'll get around to putting up the Anka transcript, too, one of these days.

Oh, I also added Retired Geezer and Sobek to my blogroll. I should really update it more...there are a ton of blogs I read frequently that aren't on it.

Some random bits from the science news

2006-03-23T20:33:00.000-06:00

Mr. O getting ready to take its first pictures:
I smell a new desktop background.

It isn't close enough to Mars for scientific work. This is just practice, apparently, to make sure the scientists know how to use the camera. Mr. O will be settled in a closer orbit after about five months of aerobraking, and then science can begin.

That settles it. Whales are officially the sexiest animals around:
Turns out their songs have elaborate grammar.

(My favorite bartender needs to stop by and geek out over language with me. Y'all should have seen our im chat the night we found a webpage on animal adjectives.)

The numbers, they are making my brain hurt!:
I've never heard of this particular mental disorder, and all I have to say is, I pity the sad, empty lives these people must lead. I can't imagine a world without differential equations.

Also, the serial shoplifter guy? I think he's just looking for an excuse. I'm afraid of roaches, but you don't see me burning a house down just because there's a roach.

LiveScience's headline: "Humans Fuel Worst Extinction Since End of Dinosaurs":
Good work, guys.

The report also makes this appeal: "Apart from nature's immediate usefulness to humankind, many would argue that every life form has an intrinsic right to exist, and deserves protection."

I beg to differ. There is at least one life form that deserves to be stomped on every time its nasty little antennae poke out of the unclean holes in which it preferentially lives.

I think you all know of what I speak.

Seriously cool: Molecular machine:
Definitely read this story. The apparatus is actually two molecular machines, and demonstrates for the first time that one molecular machine can controllably drive the action of another.

YAY SUMMER!

2006-03-22T09:05:00.000-06:00

I've been so absorbed in school and personal affairs that I didn't even notice that the season starts in just two weeks!

(And if you don't know what I'm talking about, then fie upon you. Fie, I say! Fie!)

Well, this result won't surprise anyone.

2006-03-21T21:12:00.000-06:00

I am 0% Promiscuous.

There is a good chance I am still a virgin. I am not certain because I haven't even bothered to figure out what sexual intercourse actually is. But whatever it is I want nothing to do with it.

Take the
Promiscuous Test
@ FualiDotCom

Is it bad that my initial reaction to seeing "0% Promiscuous" was "SCORE!"?

INTERNET is broken

2006-03-21T18:25:00.000-06:00

in case you were wondering where I've been lately.

Memo to techs: Just because I'm a girl of the female persuasion doesn't mean I don't know how to troubleshoot. The next time one of you informs me condescendingly that a reboot solves most problems, I'll let you know exactly what I think of your attitude.

Anyway, it's supposed to get fixed later this week. That is, if the techs can get their heads out of Bill Gates's ass for long enough.

(Sorry about channeling MaryMike. It's been that kind of week.)

Update: YAY, my internet is working now. Now I can really get crackin' on our paper!

(Once again, my teammates have sent me a grand total of one page of text, and once again, I am not taking the mickey out of them as I should. This is getting to be a disturbing pattern...)

Stop by Monty's

2006-03-16T09:39:00.000-06:00

and tell him thanks!

Meaningless straw poll

2006-03-15T15:52:00.000-06:00

on the 2008 primaries, over at GOP Bloggers. I say it's meaningless because politically speaking, there's a long way to go until the actual primaries. But it's sort of interesting, so go vote.

But I thought I'd take this opportunity to say a few things.

John McCain will never win the primaries. I don't care how much the media loves him or how well he'd play among centrists. Centrists don't vote in primaries - the base does. And the base despises John McCain. I know this is anecdotal, but I read a lot of blogs, and I haven't run across any conservative bloggers or commenters who endorse McCain. I personally wouldn't vote for him even if he were running against Hillary.
No, that doesn't mean I'd vote for Hillary. I'd probably vote for the Libertarian. I almost went Libertarian in the last election, because I disagree with pretty much every bit of President Bush's domestic policy. I love the concept of the ownership society, but his implementation is much too Great Society-like for me (i.e., my objections are based on fiscal conservatism). And oh, I hate NCLB. Not happy with the borders either. And pretty upset about the waffling over Social Security - as far as I am concerned, any solution that doesn't involve personal accounts is unacceptable. (Granted, that was Congress's fault, but offering to compromise on personal accounts didn't help. Personally, I'd really prefer to abolish Social Security entirely...)

But in the end, I did cast my vote for President Bush on the grounds of national security. Badnarik is one of the head-in-the-sand Libertarians - the kind who think that if we just pulled in all our troops from everywhere, the world would get along perfectly fine, and no one would bother us. (I used to think that too, right up until one Tuesday morning about four and a half years ago.) So I couldn't stomach voting for him.

Maybe if we're lucky, Jonathon "The Impaler" Starkey will run. No one could accuse him of being soft on terrorists.
Romney sounded good at first, but I'm starting to doubt him because he's had some inconsistent stances. I'm sure it's difficult to be a staunch social conservative when you are running for office in Massachusetts, but still.
Based on what I know about Giulani, I think he could be a good president, and I would have no qualms about voting for him. He's demonstrated leadership ability and a tough-on-crime demeanor. Nevertheless, I can't see him winning the primaries, because from what I understand, he has a lot of baggage (divorce, pro-choice stance, etc.) that will really hurt him among social conservatives*.
I don't have comments about the others, because I don't think anyone who doesn't follow politics obsessively has any idea who they are. Giulani is pretty much the only one with nationwide name recognition. (Maybe Gingrich as well, but his name recognition isn't positive. Let's be honest.)

So, I expect to see the nomination won by someone who's not on the list.

And yes, I'd vote for Condi, in a heartbeat.

*I'm not sure if I'm a "social conservative" or not. Political affiliation tests invariably rate me as WAY socially conservative, but the trouble is, there's a difference between asking, "What is your opinion of [insert liberal cause célèbre here]?" and "What do you think the government should have to say about [liberal cause célèbre]?" My answers to those questions have no bearing on each other.

Hot oscilloscope action

2006-03-15T08:58:00.000-06:00

I can't believe how compact the latest models of oscilloscopes are, particularly compared to the clunkers we have in our labs at school. So trim, so streamlined, and yet they observe 4 traces at once AND are in color.

Man, I gotta get me a piece of that.

(Yes, I went to Fry's yesterday. I wonder if the employees thought I was weird for ogling the oscilloscopes and sighing regretfully over their four-digit price tags...)

Open Thread

2006-03-14T09:53:00.000-06:00

I'm resorting to an open thread because of my massive to-do list for my super-lame spring break.

Write a formal progress report
Write a presentation for said progress report
Perform lots of tedious image manipulation for said progress report, partly because my teammates insist on sending me images embedded within Word files despite the fact that I specifically requested .eps files attached separately
Write software
Complete bill of materials - identify & purchase remaining hardware
Develop test protocol for said software & hardware
Research fully automated sphygmomanometers
Prepare for a lab
Read 2 sections of boring textbook that somehow manages to suck all the joy out of the subject matter (I've had the material before, in one of my technical electives, with a professor I really liked)

So far, I've started on 8, and hope to get 5 finished today and a good start on 1-3 and 6.

Random update 1: This is hilarious.
Random update 2: Not that I'm goofing off or anything, but this is kinda fun.
Random update 3: I always knew I liked Lance Berkman. Yay for Phil Garner and Clyde Drexler, too, but I'm disappointed in Drayton and Nolie, and also in Charles Barkley.
Random update 4: Well, I beat the game I linked in random update #2. And yet, I feel strangely unfulfilled.

Antarctica Now

2006-03-12T17:03:00.000-06:00

The Chronicles of a Proud Liberal Veteran

by Dave in Texas

Antarctica, shit. I'm still only in Antarctica. Every time I think I'm going to wake up back on the ice floe. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing... I hardly said a word to my wife until I said yes to a divorce. When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting back into McMurdo. I've been here a week now. Waiting for a mission, getting softer. Every minute I stay in this tent I get weaker. And every minute Charlie squats in the snow he gets stronger.

Each time I look around the tent flaps move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service.

******

I was going to the worst place in the world, and I didn't even know it yet. Weeks away and hundreds of miles up a glacier that snaked through the ice like a main circuit cable and plugged straight into Byrd. It was no accident that I got to be the caretaker of Admiral Richard E. Byrd's memory, any more than being back in McMurdo was an accident. There is no way to tell his story without telling
my own. And if his story is really a confession, then so is mine.

*******

How many penguins had I already killed? There was those six that I know about for sure. Close enough to blow their last fishy breath in my face. But this time it was an American and an officer. That wasn't supposed to make any difference to me, but it did. Shit...charging a man with murder in this place was like handing out snow shovels to Roald Amundsen. I took the mission. What the hell else was I gonna do? But I didn't know what I'd do when I found him.

*********

The sled dog, the one they called Shep, was from New Orleans. He was wrapped too tight for Antarctica, probably wrapped too tight for New Orleans. Lance on the forward reins was a famous surfer from the beaches south of LA. You look at him and you wouldn't believe he ever fired a harpoon in his whole life. Clean, Mr. Clean, was from some South Bronx shithole. Ice and snow of Antarctica really put the zap on his head. Then there was Phillips, the sled driver. It might have been my mission, but it sure as shit was Phillips' sled.

*********

At first, I thought they handed me the wrong dossier. I couldn't believe they wanted this man dead. Third generation Annapolis, top of his class. North Pole, Virginia. About a thousand decorations. Etc, etc... I'd seen his handwriting on the parchment and it really put a hook in me. But I couldn't connect up that scribbling with this man. Like they said he had an impressive career. Maybe too impressive... I mean perfect. He was being groomed for one of the top slots of the corporation. Admiral, Assistant Director of Human Resources, anything... In 1912 he returned from a tour of advisory command in McMurdo and things started to slip. The report to the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Woodrow Wilson was restricted. Seems they didn't dig what he had to tell them. During the next few months he made three requests for transfer to flight training at Lakehurst NAV New Jersey. And he was finally accepted. Flight school? He was 38 years old. Why the fuck would he do that? 1926 he joined the US Navy Flying Boats, returns to Antarctica ...

*********

It was the Amundsen Expedition, First of the Norwegians, our escorts to the mouth of the Onyx river. But they were supposed to be waiting for us another 30 kilometers ahead. Well, Dog-Sled Mobile, those boys just couldn't stay put. First of the Norwegians was an old accordian division that had cashed in its horses for dog sleds, and gone tear-assing around 'Tica, looking for the shit. They've given Charlie a few surprises in their time here. What they were mopping up now hadn't even happened an hour ago.

*********

AMUNDSEN
"What happened to your mission, captain ? Did Axel Heiberg forget all about you ?"

PROUD LIBERAL CHOPPER JOCK
"Sir, two places we can get into the river. Here and here. It's pretty wide delta but these are the only two spots I'm really sure of."

AMUNDSEN
"That weather station your pointing at is kinda hairy, Proud Liberal Chopper Jock."

PROUD LIBERAL CHOPPER JOCK
"What do you mean hairy, sir ?"

AMUNDSEN
"It's hairy. Got some pretty heavy ice there. I lost a few recon sleds there now and again. Is that goddamn Mount Fridtjof Nansen via the Liv Glacier? Damn Norwegian names all sound the same. Slublog, do you know anything about that point at Mount Fridtjof Nansen?"

SLUBLOG
"That's a fantastic peak."

AMUNDSEN
"Peak ?"

SLUBLOG
"About six feet. It got both the long right with left slide. It's unbelieveable, it's just Tube City..."

AMUNDSEN
"Well why the hell didn't you tell me that before ? There aren't any good peaks in this whole, shitty continent! It’s all goddamn ice floe."

SLUBLOG
"It's really hairy in there,sir. That's where we lost McDonnel - they harpooned the hell out of us. That's Charlie's point."

PROUD LIBERAL CHOPPER JOCK
"Sir, we can go there tomorrow at dawn. There's always a good off-shore breeze in the morning."

CHIEF
"We may not be able to get the sled in. The river may be too frozen."

AMUNDSEN
"We'll pick your sled up and put it down like a baby, right where you want it. This is First of the Norse, Snow Cav, son- snow-mobile. I can take that point and hold it as long as I like -- and you can get anywhere you want up that river that suits you, young captain. Hell, a six foot peak.

You take a steamship back to division -- Slublog, take Lance with you – let him pick out a board, and bring me my Yater Spoon -- the eight six."

SLUBLOG
"I don't know, sir -- it's -- it's --"

AMUNDSEN
"What is it explorer?"

SLUBLOG
"It's pretty hairy in there - it's Charlie's point..."

AMUNDSEN
"Charlie don't ski!"

********

You smell that? Do you smell that? Penguin shit, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of penguin shit in the morning. You know, one time we had an iceberg shelled, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked on. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' penguin body. The smell, you know that penguin shit smell, the whole iceberg. Smelled like - victory.

*********

PROUD LIBERAL CHOPPER JOCK hears something :

SLUBLOG
"What is it? Enemy?"

Suddenly a walrus appears from the ice cave. PLCJ and Slublog start running back to the sled, Slublog yelling:

SLUBLOG
"It's a Walrus, a fucking walrus!"

CHIEF
"Let's go !"

SLUBLOG
"Never get offa the sled..."

CHIEF
"What happened, how many is it ?"

SLUBLOG
"A fucking walrus, fucking walrus... I don't wanna take this goddamn shit man... I didn't come here for this, I don't fucking need this. All I wanted to do is fucking cook, I just wanted to learn to fucking cook. Allright, It's allright, it's gonna be all right... never get offa sled... Hi walrus, hi walrus..."

PLCJ (v.o.)
"Never get off of the sled. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you were going all the way. Byrd got off the boat. He split from the whole fucking program. How did that happen? What did he see here that first tour? 38 fucking years old. If he joined the US Navy Flying Boats, there was no way you'd ever get above Ensign. Byrd knew what he was giving up. The more I read and began to understand, the more I admired him. His family and friends couldn't understand it, and they couldn't talk him out of it. He had to apply three times and he had to put up with a ton of shit, but when he threatened to resign, they gave it to him. The next youngest guy in his class was half his age. They must have thought he was some far-out old man humping it over that course. I did it when I was 19 and it damn near wasted me. A tough motherfucker. He finished. He could have gone for Admiral, but he went for himself instead."

********

There has been a new development regarding your mission which we must now communicate to you. Months ago a man was ordered on a mission which was identical to yours. We have reason to believe that he is now operating with Byrd. McMurdo was carrying him MIA for his family's sake. They assumed he was dead. Then they intercepted a letter he tried to send his wife :

SELL THE HORSE
SELL THE SLED
SELL THE KIDS
FIND SOMEONE ELSE
FORGET IT
I'M NEVER COMING BACK
FORGET IT

Captain Alton Parker - he was with Byrd

***********

PROUD LIBERAL CHOPPER JOCK
"Chief, tell them to hold fire. It's just little harpoons. They're just trying to scare us."

CHIEF
"You got us into this mess and you can't get us out 'cos you don't know where the hell you're going, do you ? Do you, you son of a bitch, you fuck !"

Chief is hit by a harpoon :

CHIEF
"A harpooooon."

Chief dies.

PROUD LIBERAL CHOPPER JOCK
"My mission is to make it up into Victoria. There's a Naval explorer up there who's gone insane. I'm supposed to kill him."

SLUBLOG
"That's fucking typical, shit. Fucking Antarctica mission. We got to go up there so you can kill one of our own guys. That's fucking great, that's just fucking great! That's fucking crazy. I thought you were going in there to blow up a bridge, or some fucking railroad tracks or something."

PROUD LIBERAL CHOPPER JOCK
"Sorry...there aren’t any bridges or railroad tracks up there. It’s freaking Antarctica."

SLUBLOG
"No, no wait. We go together. On the sled, we'll go with you. On the sled. OK ?"

Again they move on, but now it's only PLCJ, Shep and Slublog:

PLCJ (v.o.)
"Part of me was afraid of what I would find and what I would do when I got there. I knew the risks, or imagined I knew. But the thing I felt the most, much stronger than fear, was the desire to confront him."

They meet a group of Argentines in boats :

PLCJ
"Just keep moving... Shep, keep your paws away from the gun."

SHEP
“Woof”!

Finally they arrive to Byrd compound :

PARKER
"It's all right, it's all right. You're all being approved."

SHEP
"Arf. Woof. Whine."

PARKER
"Sound the siren...There's mines over there, there's mines over there, and watch out those goddam penguins bite, I'll tell ya. Eh, that's a pretty one. Move in right in towards me... I´m an American ! Yeah, American civilian. Hi yanks... American, american civilian. It's all right. And you got the cigarettes, that's what I've been dreaming of."

PLCJ
"Who are you ?"

PARKER
"Who are you ... ? I'm an explorer. I've covered the ice since 94. I've been in McMurdo, Prudhoe, Rejkavik, 'Tica... I´ll tell you one thing, this sled is a mess, man."

PLCJ
"Who are all these people?"

PARKER
"Yeah, well... They think you have come to take him away. I hope that isn't true."

PLCJ
"Take who away ?"

PARKER
"Him. Admiral Byrd. These are all his children, as far as you can see."

PLCJ
"Could we, uh, talk to Admiral Byrd?"

PARKER
"Hey, man, you don't talk to the Admiral. You listen to him. The an's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic snse. I mean sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say hello to hm, right? And he'll just walk right by you, and he won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you on the ice floe, and he'll say do you know that if is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you -- I mean I'm no, I can't -- I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent icebergs -- I mean --"

PLCJ
"Stay with the sled."

PARKER
"Hey, uh, don't go -- don't go without me, OK? I want to get a picture.

He can be terrible, he can be mean, he can be right. He's fighting the war. He's a great man. I mean... I wish I had words. I can tell you the other day he wanted to hump me."

PLCJ
"Why did he want to hump you ?"

PARKER
"Because I took his picture. He said if I take his picture again - I'm gonna hump you. And he meant it! So you just lay it cool, lay back, dig it... He gets friendly again, really does. But you don't judge him like an ordinary man.

OK, now watch it. They are americans... americans. Can you feel the vibe of this place ? Let me take a picture. Hey, hello... hello. Would you hold it for a minute."

PARKER
"The penguin heads. You're looking at the penguin heads. I, uh -- sometimes he goes too far, you know -- he's the first one to admit it!"

SHEP
"Woof woof. Woof!"

PARKER
"Wrong! Wrong! If you could have heard the man, just two days ago, if you could have heard the man! You going to call him crazy?"

SHEP
"Woofing A!"

PLCJ
"I just want to talk to him."

PARKER
"Well man, he's gone away. He's gone away. He disappeared into the jungle with his penguins..."

PLCJ
"I'll wait for him."

PARKER
"... he feels comfortable with his penguins. He forgets him with his penguins. He forgets himself..."

SHEP
"Woof woof! Arf."

PLCJ
"Ok Shep. We'll go back to the sled for a while."

SHEP
"Arf!"

PLCJ and Shep return to the sled :

*********

"I've seen horrors...horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that...But you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face. And a chest. And a left elbow...And you must make a bestest friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your bestest friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies. I remember when I was with US Navy Flying Boats...Seems a thousand centuries ago...We went into a hangar to change the oil.

We left the hangar after we had changed the oil, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there and they had come and unscrewed every drain plug. There they were in a pile...A pile of little drain plugs. And I remember...I...I...I cried...I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized...like I was shot...Like I was shot with a diamond...a diamond bullet right through my forehead...And I thought: My God...the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters...These were penguins...trained cadres...these penguins who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had little penguin children, who were filled with love...but they had the strength...the strength...to do that. If I had ten divisions of those penguins our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have penguins who are moral...and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordal instincts to kill without feeling...without passion... without judgement...without judgement. Because it's judgement that defeats us. "

*********

They were going to make me a grownup for this and I wasn't even in their fucking thread any more. Everybody wanted me to do it, him most of all. I felt like he was up there, waiting for me to take the pain away. He just wanted to go out like an explorer, or a viking, standing up, not like some poor, wasted, rag-assed liar about having served in the military. Even the ice floe wanted him dead, and that's who he really took his orders from anyway. That and momma.

*********

Horror. Horror has a face...